How I Cope With Trials - Response Saturday #17

I apparently picked a tough topic for the thinkjoust again this week. My bad, guys! Either way, thanks to the people who responded to the prompt. Let's jump into my thoughts, shall we?

I recently attended a short seminar by Jeff DeSarbo, a psychiatrist dedicated to the mental well-being of humanity.

And here he is!

DeSarbo spoke a lot about how to find peace by watching and, if necessary, changing the way you think. Let me share some of my thoughts about what he said.

Now, before we begin, I would be the last person to say that this advice is good bedside manner. If you're struggling to cope with a trial, this may not help. However, if you'd like to preemptively prepare for trials with possible coping mechanisms, well, this is your post.

Let's imagine two near-identical situations with one small variable changed. You're walking downtown on a beautiful sunny day, smiling and enjoying the breeze. Now throw yourself in the same situation, but then a construction worker accidentally dumps a bucket of dirty water all over you. For a lot of people, that would be a miserable experience (myself included).

In that moment of being drenched, you have two options. One, you can continue on your way with the same smile and enjoyment. You didn't have any control over the construction worker, so why worry or get upset? Why let the water ruin your day? Two, the other option is to do the exact opposite.

Letting things roll off your back is difficult, especially when you can't control what's happening. I, myself, seek to find someone to blame and even hate when placed into such situations. "Curse you, random rooftop-dwelling construction worker!" I might scream. "I only leave my lair of writing once a year, and this is how I'm rewarded for trying to get some sun on my skin?"

At the same time, serenity is not worrying about things you have no control over. If you can conquer your urges to allow your emotions to be controlled by outside stimulus, then your peace and happiness in life can be that much stronger. If you are the calmest in a sea of chaos, then you are in control.

So what do you think? Was that helpful, or not at all? Let me know in the comments below!

Optimism - Throwback Commentary #65

Hey there! This is a commentary about the post I wrote on January 2 of last year! Click here to read the original post!

You know, I'm pretty critical of my past blog posts. Even some of the posts from 2015 receive some mental criticism from me.

You see, Change and Cherish Blog is constantly evolving. I used to describe it as a returned missionary/spiritual blog. Then it became a slice of life/gratitude blog. More recently, it's become an author opinion/political blog.

There are probably more periods you could name, but the point is, when certain past posts don't fit in with the current period, I tend to shy away from marketing them.

At the same time, posts like Optimism: Major Injury Overreaction are helpful to me. Rereading about my enthusiastic reaction to an injury caused me to wonder how I would react to such a setback. Would I still laugh it off, or would I get frustrated and angry?

Whenever I return to a post outlining my weaknesses, it gives me the opportunity to take an inventory about where my character is.

So maybe these old posts aren't so bad after all.

Hey there! This is a commentary about the post I wrote on January 2 of last year! Click here to read the original post!

Breaking Noon - Sunday Snapshot #54

Winter vs. Spring - Sunday Snapshot #53

Life is Like Running on a Soccer Ball

Let me break down my life right now.

I am taking 10 credit hours. I also show up to and participate in a 3-credit class, in which I am not enrolled.

I am working about 15 hours a week at Future House Publishing.

I write a blog post and structure a social media campaign every day, which can take anywhere from thirty minutes to two hours.

I am working on several other personal projects, including the novels Ama's Watch and Courting Disaster.

I'm also trying to be physically active, as well as maintain an active dating life (which is going great right now, thank you very much ;).

If I were to utilize an overused cliche, I would say I'm juggling a lot in the air right now. But who likes reading overused cliches, am I right? So I say my life is like I'm running on top of a soccer ball.

I'm not behind on anything. Everything is right on schedule. I feel confident in my successes, and am learning from my mistakes. I haven't fallen off the soccer ball yet, but I'm going to have to keep running hard to stay on top. And who knows? Maybe my efforts will score me a goal soon.

What is your life like? Juggling? Running on top of a soccer ball? Something else? Be sure to comment below!

V-Day Week 2016: Why Dating is Superior to Job Hunting - Throwback Commentary #57

Hey there! This post is a commentary discussing the post I wrote on September 19, 2015. Click here to read the post from September!

Happy Valentines Day week! I figured even the throwback deserved a dating theme.

When you read the original post, you see how confused and frustrated I was about my future. Things have changed since then.

I am more confident in my future. I have some tentative plans regarding my career and educational prospects. I am breaking into the literary industry. I forged connections I hope will leapfrog me to success. In a few weeks, I hope to be able to report on the status of my endeavors.

The moral of the story is, no matter how bleak and confusing my future may seem, when I press forward through the fog, my path makes more sense.

Well, I guess that's only one of two morals. Though I've laid a plan for job-hunting, I am still just as clueless in regards to dating. I would now hazard that Dating is Inferior to Job-Hunting, completely cutting the feet out from under the crux of my previous argument.

Oh, well.

Hey there! This post is a commentary discussing the post I wrote on September 19, 2015. Click here to read the post from September!

If You Feel Discouraged, Check This One-Eyed Cat

You know that saying about herding cats? You know, how it's impossible? Well, it's even more impossible to get a cat to pose for an actual picture. Goodness.

If you didn't know I was a cat person, click here.

This is my family's cat. I've grown quite attached to the animal over the years. He's lived in North Carolina, Tennessee, and now Washington. A few days before I came home for the holidays, the cat got into a nasty fight that ended up taking out one of his eyes.

As I spent time with the cat, I noticed his personality and demeanor was pretty much unchanged. He was as affectionate as he'd been before. He was as friendly as he'd been before. It was like he'd never lived through the trial that had ultimately defaced him.

I've seen that in other pets, too. My brother's dog had an injured knee that may be permanently damaged, but the dog kept trying to walk it off anyway.

Animals seem to understand better than humans that there's no use fretting over a trial we can't control. Sometimes, bad things just happen. I've found that the greatest amount of happiness in life comes when we don't only wait for the sunrise, but also appreciate the light cast by the stars.

Throwback Thursday #50 - Make Something Happen

Today's throwback comes to us from November 19 of last year. 

Alas, even though I was really excited about eating everything with chopsticks, I never really got into the habit. I had this whole mini-arc going about using nothing but chopsticks, and now, I'm back to using regular old boring utensils. Lame!

Either way, I chose this post because I'm preparing to self-publish my novel very, very soon. In the next couple of weeks, I want to have everything read for a crowd-funding push this January.

I'm going to make something happen. 

Click here to read Make Something Happen!

A Cop Pulled Me Over!?!

Helaman 9:34 - "And then shall ye say: Because of this fear and this paleness which has come upon your face, behold, we know that thou art guilty."

My friends and I were driving to Vegas for the weekend.

"Man, you're going pretty fast," one of my friends said.

I scoffed. "I could go faster. Besides, we're making great time!"

"Aren't you worried about cops?"

I shook my head. "Naw, I'll be fine. Speeding laws are just to protect other drivers, and there's no one else on the road!"

Turns out, going sixteen over is not justified by empty roads.

Yeah, the ticket is a serious financial blow for me right now, but it wasn't all bad. The officer was very respectful and even kind, building my faith in local law enforcement. My friends thought it was hilarious, and the experience gave us much to laugh about. I learned I shouldn't push my luck by speeding, and I even got a blog post out of it.

Yeah, sometimes bad things happen to me. However, when I look at things from the right angle with the right attitude, I turn annoyances and inconveniences into beauty in my eye.

I know anyone can do the same.

I Got a Haircut!

3 Nephi 4:33 - "And their hearts were swollen with joy, unto the gushing out of many tears, because of the great goodness of God ..."

Once upon a time, I was getting shaggy. I mentioned this to my friends.

"Oh!" one said. "I want to cut your hair!"

"Cool," I said. "That will save me five bucks. Have you ever cut hair before?"

"No." 

"Do you have a kit?"

"No."

I thought about that. 

The 4 for $4 deal at Wendy's called to me.

"All right, let's do this!" I said.

Obligatory before picture.

Obligatory after picture.

So we found a kit, and she got to work. The end result actually turned out pretty well!

I learned several things from the experience. For one thing, there's nothing like a potential total disaster to bring people closer together. We Core Four were all nervous about how things were going to turn out, especially our budding hairdresser herself. The relief that followed our combined anxiety has allowed us to have a rollicking time remembering the experience in the weeks that have followed.

For another thing, I had a blast putting my head into somebody else's hands and waiting to see what happened next. There was something liberating about removing my responsibility for the near future, and I imagine those same feelings could be replicated by doing other things as well. After all, the world is big. I've never tried things like sky falling or BASE jumping or mountain climbing or scuba diving. Why not let an expert show me the ropes?

I think the main point is, we humans are programmed to find risky situations exciting. I found something as simple as getting a haircut from a novice thrilling. Imagine how thrilling life could be if we stepped out of our comfort zone more often.

And you don't even have to do something big to do that.

I Did Not Make Out on Squaw Peak

Psalms 23:4 - "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death ..."

As is common among many people, I got into a funk a bit ago. So, in order to combat this feeling, I took a drive up the canyon.

Now, I'd heard of 'Squaw Peak' before. I'd heard what people had said about this particular overlook, that students and lovers usually went to Squaw Peak chiefly to make out. I'd heard enough about this place to make the decision never to take a girl there because then she'd think she knew what was coming.

But, I'd never been there myself. I didn't even know where it was.

This time, I drove up the canyon and spotted the sign marking the dusty old road leading up to this local legend. I figured I'd see what the fuss was all about and turned off the main road.

The drive up to the overlook was twisted, windy, and long. I drove for nearly half an hour, just waiting, expecting the next curve to reveal my final destination, but it was long in coming. On and on and on I drove, just enjoying the warmth of the sun and the coolness of the air and the silence of a trundling car engine in the middle of nature.

And then, finally, I made it.

And I didn't understand.

Why would anyone want to make out up here?

The view was spectacular. It stretched for miles and miles. I could see landmarks I recognized, roads I often traveled, places I didn't even know existed. I sat on the edge and just stared off into the distance, trying to piece together how small I really was, how insignificant my life was compared to the teeming valley that seemed but a hand away. 

I was awestruck.

I couldn't believe I'd never been here before.

I eventually tore myself away and trundled back down the mountain, just thinking. I wondered how many couples had missed the sight in favor of a few minutes of pleasure. I wondered how many sights I'd missed as I wandered down in the valley below, only able to see right in front of me. How many things had I missed on the other sides of walls, of trees, of my own problems?

I didn't know.

But I decided I wanted to keep my head up more often.

And that was enough.

Throwback Thursday #26 - Conquering Self-Doubt

Today's feature was originally posted on October second of last year.

Click here to read Conquering Self-Doubt!

I suspect self-doubt is something all of us daily face. I'm not entirely sure if there was any particular challenge I was facing when I wrote the original post, but I know what I'm facing now. In regards to becoming a professional novelist, I have never been closer to outright victory, which also means I've never been closer to complete defeat. As I keep sending in queries, my pathway, like Schrodinger's cat, is somehow simultaneously leading me to success and failure. It all depends on the people at the other end of the line.

But that's all right! There are so many over-quoted ... ah, quotes speaking on this very subject. "Better to try and fail, than to never try at all." That kind of stuff. But I'm a lot more eloquent on the subject in the original post! Be sure not to miss it!

Evolution: And Another Thing ...

"Finding Joy in the Journey" - Thomas S. Monson

Yesterday, I described driving up a canyon to take some time to meditate. It while I was up there that I realized something very important.

I like going on drives without destination.

I have had many friends throughout the years who have advocated meandering drives. Some of those friends even go so far as to invite me to hang out with them on those drives. For the most part, I've turned them down. What's the point of moving when you're not heading anywhere? I thought.

My perspective on similarly simple things has also changed over the years. For example, whereas I used to fear and loathe dogs, now I, at the very least, tolerate them. It's funny to me how the passage of time can provide and prompt experiences and subtle changes to work within us, most of them without us ever recognizing them.

My drive yesterday was therapeutic in a way it never was back in the day. But now, I think back to those who first planted the seed all those years, and I thank them strongly.

Improving: Cute Puppy

Ether 2:14 - "... And it came to pass at the end of four years the Lord came again ..."

My family had an emergency while they were visiting over the weekend. My sister's emotional support dog got into someone else's medication, requiring a trip to pet urgent care. There was a lot of concern and worry and tears as the beloved animal underwent treatment.

As the family banded together duDurantring the emergency, I had the opportunity to consider God's hand in it all. I knew the accident wasn't anybody's fault. I knew He was in complete control of the situation. I had the chance to try and act as a spiritual anchor for certain individuals. The entire experience ultimately helped me recognize that I was not as prepared as I wish I could have been.

One of my big concerns while trying to maintain a daily mostly-spiritual blog is that I will appear as though I am trying to build myself up to appear like some hyper-spiritual individual, aggrandizing myself before the masses. I fear my attempts to provide my audience with my own thoughts about things will only create an impression that I think I'm more spiritual, and therefore, I know best.

In all honesty, though, I know I'm weak. I know my relationship with God is never exactly where it needs to be. I pray for help in overcoming my weaknesses.

The dog's trip to urgent care gave me another opportunity to consider where I was and how prepared I actually am to help others in a spiritual capacity. I, of course, decided to seek improvement in the things I recognized.

The dog, of course, made a full recovery. I'd volunteered to pick her up and deliver her back to her mom, and so was the first to see her right after she left the hospital.

As I drove north, my heart thanked Him for giving me the opportunity to ponder Him.

Fighting Back: Ill Week

Alma 7:11 - "... and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and sicknesses of his people."

Since I returned from my mission, there have been few illnesses that have literally kept me from accomplishing the things I need to do. As it is, I have missed most of my classes the past two days. I probably would have missed all of them were it not for the RA appreciation party held today, for which I only dragged myself out of bed for two reasons. 

First, I'd made a promise I'd be there. 

Second, I needed to eat something, a simple task I hadn't completed for nearly eighteen hours. 

Thankfully, I managed to drug myself enough beforehand that I felt almost normal, but even as I write this post now, I feel the brunt returning.

Regardless, though I'm not feeling as peachy keen as I want, I have used what little free time I allow myself to maintain the gifts God has given me. 

I still haven't missed a blog post, not from yesterday, not today. 

I am nearly done with the sixth digitized volume of my mission journal.

I haven't failed to turn in any daily assignments.

I even managed to improve my aptitude with my favorite musical instruments, including the Melodica down below.

Yes, being sick has given me an excuse to slack off, and, to be honest, I've enjoyed that to a certain extent. However, I haven't let the sickness define me. I am still being the best I am, no matter what, even seeking to serve those around me when given the chance. And as I do so, I know I will feel all the more stronger.

Adversity: Changed Perspective

Acts 9:18 - "And immediately there fell from his eyes as it had been scales: and he received sight forthwith, and arose, and was baptized."

The body of this post follows-up on the conclusion from yesterday's post.

.... Anyway, all loud ranting about education aside, going back to my English class, I concluded I couldn't really do much to change things as they are. Either way, even if I wasn't going to be sticking with my major, I needed to do something to get through the class and get a decent grade.

So, going home with my English reading one night, I pulled it out and stared at it. Ok, I thought to myself. I'm going to actively seek for reasons to enjoy this. Opening it up, I began to read.

I've been trying this technique for about a week now, and, sure enough, I've encountered something in every reading that piques my interest, even if it's gaining the ability to form an entirely outraged opinion regarding the absolute inanity of the author's ideals and execution (most of you know I like to rage about things, anyway).

What happened was, I changed my attitude. When I was looking for things I didn't like, when I was looking to make myself suffer, I succeeded. Now that I'm doing the opposite, my workload doesn't seem so hard. And I firmly believe that all it takes to complete such a chance in mindset is to want it.

So, my challenge for you today is to do just that! If there is something in your life causing you grief, then try to change your perspective. I'm not saying you'll become a cheerful, bubbly fan of whatever that 'something' is, but at least your life won't be made a misery as you're forced to endure it ... or, rather, have the opportunity to experience it.

Me and my fat stack of books.

See you tomorrow for the Snapshot Sunday, guys!

Releasing Stress: Wal-Mart Run-Through (3 Videos)

Dealing with Stress and Discouragement - Ensign, February 1990

So, last night, me and two of my bros went out on the town to just look for something to do. With no plans or aspirations, we eventually decided to go wander around the local Wal-Mart for a few hours. Upon happening upon the toy section, we discovered some ridiculous things never available to us in our childhoods. Sorry for the poor quality, but here's the series we 'filmed' ...

Part 1 of 3: The Hulk Toy

Part 2 of  3: Artillery for Children

Part 3 of 3: New Pets

The bicycle helmets of the future. Too bad my mission president never let me wear something like these.

We didn't really spend any money, but we had a blast regardless. The stresses and impact of the previous week were forgotten in our reverie, and I can't say any of us regretted the so-called 'waste of time.'

I, of course, needed to wake up at 7:00am this morning, but our machinations lasted so late, I ended up sleeping in until 9:00am. The thing was, I didn't mind. Sure, I have a lot of homework and other stuff to take care of today and Monday, now, but I would never say that what we did last night wasn't just as important in maintaining my health and good will. That, of course, is enough for me.

What fun activities do you like to do to relieve stress? Be sure to comment below!

Optimism: Minor Injury Overreaction (with Added Commentary)

Luke 6:42 - "... cast out first the beam out of thine own [hand] ..."

I woke up bright and early this morning to head over to a training meeting for us RAs, during which we were prepared for the upcoming week in regards to check-ins and what else was expected of us.

Following the conclusion of the meeting, we were charged with the task of clearing away the last of the Christmas decorations left over from the dance I described a few weeks back. Carting man-sized nutcrackers and wreaths the size of a small child across the housing complex, we the crew started chucking everything more or less back to where it needed to be.

As I struggled with a box full of plastic Christmas tree parts, I slid my hand across a wooden shelf and discovered a most peculiar pain throbbing in my flesh. Upon further inspection, I realized I'd shoved a baby-toothpick-sized splinter in the heel of my palm.

The natural man in me probably would have felt prone to moan and gripe about how I'd been wronged, about how my injury could have been avoided had the conditions in the storage room been better kept. I could have lashed out at my friends, my bosses, those in charge of the storage, or even taken to brooding and refused to help any more while I nursed my injury.

Instead, I said, "Coooooool!" and proceeded to help lift things until I could find a pushpin to carve the wood out of my hand.

That bloody line in between the pin and the gash? That's the splinter. The rest of the grain gets a little lost against the color of my flesh. I wish my camera was better, but hey.

Reacting negatively didn't occur to me until I'd already picked a good portion of the splinter, and even after it had occurred to me, I felt stupid that my brain was capable of thinking such things. Rather than see the painful experience as a burden or a problem, my initial reaction was to express excitement over a new experience and then push on with yet another. It's unfortunate that I don't always win the fight over the natural man, but at least I'm trying.

Hey there! I wrote a commentary about this post on April 14, 2016. Click here to read it!

Had any splinters in your life recently? Be sure to comment below!

Temple Square Reminder (with Added Commentary)

Isaiah 2:2 - "And it shall come to pass in the last days, that the mountain of the Lord's house shall be established in the top of the mountains, and shall be exalted above the hills; and all nations shall flow unto it."

Yesterday, the ward and I piled into a series of buses and jaunted all the way from Provo up to temple square.

Given traffic, we really didn't have too much time to do anything besides walk around, eat some food, and snap this photo before heading back to the buses to eat donuts and imbibe hot chocolate. To make matters worse, I'm still recovering from an illness, and I was struggling to focus on anything in particular.

However, I loved the trip. Temple Square always has, and always will be, a sign of the Lord's people persevering through pain, struggle, and hardship to accomplish His purposes. It took those pioneers forty years to build that structure, and still, today it stands. Even on that note, Jesus Christ, through His atonement, experienced everything those pioneers suffered, along with everything I, and you, and our families, and the people we know, and the people we don't know, and everyone else and everything they suffered. 

Seeing the temple again, being reminded of those grand sacrifices, gave me the strength to push on through my illness and other trials to do whatever is needed of me. Unfortunately, with finals coming up, that means do my schoolwork, but I'm ready! Let's go.

Hey you! I wrote a commentary about this post on February 4, 2016. Click here to read it!

Conquering Self-Doubt (with Added Commentary)

2 Timothy 1:7 - "For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

Man, I tell you, some days, I am just full of crippling self-doubt.

I think that happens to a lot of people, especially whenever we feel like we'll let someone down if we don't live up to the breadth of the expectations we assume they have. I mean, I've felt that way when I've sent novel submissions to publishers, when I've sat down for a test, when I've gone in for a job interview ... heck, even when I'm trying to talk to a pretty lady or on a date with one. Even worse is when you promise you'll help someone, and then realize how great a commitment you've trapped yourself into.

Sometimes, even when I write this blog, I worry I won't be able to properly uplift one of you readers in the way you expect or need. I've seen other creators, artists and writers and members of the lot, suffer the same kind of self-doubt until it becomes crippling, and they lose their drive and motivation and sink back into anonymity, never to rise above their oceans, never able to bless others in the way they once had because they expected too much of themselves.

Self doubt is scary, man.

Which is why you really shouldn't let it overcome you!

God didn't send you here, into the situations you're in right now, to fail! So get out there and risk something, be it your heart, your time, or even a dollar from your wallet. Try something you're scared of because of your own weaknesses. We all have them, but that doesn't mean God doesn't love us any less. So, my challenge today is: get out there and take on something you fear! Seriously, exit out of this browser RIGHT NOW.

If you're still reading this sentence, I am very disappointed in you. ;)

I wrote a commentary about this post on June 11, 2015. Click here to read!