What's YOUR Love Language? - Thinkjoust Tuesday #58

I made an active decision last year to not write this sort of thinkjoust. After all, everyone talks about this stuff, right?

Then I remembered that the world doesn't revolve around me or my group of friends. "Huh," I thought. "Maybe other people will appreciate this sort of post!" So here it is.

Love languages are the ways individuals with different personalities express their appreciation for the people around them. Not everyone offers or responds to acts of love in the same way, and sometimes, this can cause friction and tension between two individuals who otherwise love each other very much.

Just as an example, I had a friend who loved to do things for me. He'd make my bed, make me breakfast, and even do my dishes. Rather than be thankful for his acts of service, I felt somewhat irritated. After all, he was giving his time and effort on things I could do for myself, and I felt extremely lazy and unproductive around him. I told him I was feeling guilty, and he just laughed me off.

At the same time, he felt unappreciated by me because I wasn't expressing love in the ways he did. I wasn't about to do his dishes, but I loved to hug him and offer him compliments.

The thing was, neither of us really felt appreciated by the other person because we were expressing love in ways that the other person didn't respond to well. The thing was, we were both expressing love, and that is the most important part.

Once we learn how other people express love, we can learn to respond to them in kind. For example, once my friend and I realized we were just having a love language disconnect, we worked at serving/complimenting each other, respectively (he still wasn't super into hugs, but I give them out like candy, so it balanced out).

Anyway, the point is, if you don't know your love languages, why not find them out?

I recommend this link here, which takes you to a test that analyzes your love language profile. Give it a shot, and then post your results in the comments! I'll be sure to be back this Saturday to talk about your results and what it means for the future of Change and Cherish.

See you then!

How to Compliment Your Crush - Response Saturday #26

This past Tuesday, I posed the question, "How do you Compliment your Crush?"

I got a whole heap of responses!

Everything y'all said fascinated me.

Obviously, I think some of you responded with tongue firmly in cheek, but the variety of the responses were nonetheless revealing. As far as I can tell, there really isn't a right way or a wrong way to compliment someone. You could go with articles of clothing, or you could refrain from mentioning clothing at all. You could be extremely passive and avoid the situation altogether, or you could make sure they won't forget you by doing something outlandish.

I think, when it comes to compliments, you need to work with what works best for you. If a compliment doesn't go over well, then maybe that person doesn't like your style, and that may indicate you guys aren't a great fit. Or it may indicate your crush isn't a 'Words of Affirmation' kind of person. If you don't know what that means, I would recommend checking this out.

As for me, I only really have two rules. First, I never say 'today' in any of my comments. "You look nice" could refer to always. "You look nice today" might suggest that they look like garbage every other day. In addition, I try to focus on things the other person can control. If I say, "Your face is well-constructed and symmetrical," well, that compliments them less than their genes. But if I say, "I really love your thoughts on the political situation in the Middle East," well, that shows them you care for more than their body and you're a great listener!

So now that you're all ready to compliment your crush, let's see how you do!

You walk up to your crush, swaggering with confidence. 

"Oh hi! Your shoes are gross. I mean nice tasty. Uh, today is what I said. Trying to say. I mean, let's fight? You're stupid."

Welp, there you go, running off into the sunset. Better luck next time, I guess.

How Do You Compliment Your Crush? - Thinkjoust Tuesday #57

One of the best ways to indicate your interest in your crush is to compliment them somehow. Of course, attempting such an act can sometimes lead to disaster. You know what this is like.

Your crush unexpectedly walks into the room and turns you into a mumbling, blathering fool. "Hi there!" you shriek. "I am person!"

Your crush gives you a worried look. "Yes," they say. "Yes you are."

Oh, snap! you think. I'm making an idiot of myself in front of Gorgeous McHotface! Searching for inspiration to recover, you glance around the room and see a couch, a DVD of The Princess Bride, and your half-eaten lunch. Perfect, you think. I'll see if Gorgeous wants to watch a movie.

"Couch Bride ate my lunch!" you say. "Punch princess for revenge?"

Your crush backs away slowly.

Aaarrrgh! you scream inside your head. Stupid! Stupid! Ok, just compliment them! One compliment can smooth this whole debacle over!

Even setting this obviously ridiculous scenario aside, how do you compliment your crushes? Is there a specific method that works for you, or do you just go with what feels right in the moment?

Let me know in the comments, and I'll discuss my own patented complimenting techniques this Saturday!

Would You Even Want to Read Minds? - Thinkjoust Tuesday #55

I mean, think about it.

True, there are a lot of benefits associated with reading minds. You wouldn't have to guess anyone's motives. It'd be easy to determine if someone's actions were malicious or just plain stupid. When it came to progression in the workplace, you'd never have to wonder what your boss liked or hoped to accomplish. And relationships would be cake. Communication between partners would lack barriers, and if you were looking for a partner, all you'd have to do is walk in front of someone and see what they think about you. If they think you're worth a second glance, great! Even better, you could see the good other people recognize in you.

Of course, there are just as many negative aspects to mind-reading. It'd be tough to put any effort into getting to know someone if you already know their opinions on things. A lot of the mysteries in life would be absent, and therefore so would a lot of the fun. And while you may know the good things people think about you, you'd also know all the bad things. You may even discover that the people you thought were closest to you harbor resentment and frustration against you, wearing nothing but a friendly facade when actually interacting with you.

So let's run down a hypothetical scenario. 

You trip over a lamp and accidentally summons a genie. Rather than giving you wishes, however, he grants you a choice. You can either accept the ability to permanently read minds, or refuse it altogether. Note that, in this case, thoughts reaching your brain would work similarly to speech reaching your ears. The closer you are to someone, the easier you can 'hear' their thoughts, and the more clear the thought, the 'louder' it seems.

Which would you choose?

I look forward to your comments!

Why You Should Tell Strangers They're Beautiful - Response Saturday #18

This last Tuesday, I asked the question, "Should You Tell Strangers They're Beautiful?" The one response was both awesome and enthusiastic.

I would have liked more people's opinions, but it is summer. Nobody's slacking off in class anymore.

The thing is, I asked all those question in the thinkjoust because I honestly don't know. If you were a stranger, and I randomly told you you were beautiful, would you appreciate the compliment?

At this point, I want to leave some sort of challenge or commitment. "Try it out," I might say. "Tell a stranger they're beautiful, and I'll do the same." The thing is, without any form of accountability, the whole challenge becomes nothing but a pleasant little string of words at the end of a post, designed to make you feel good about yourself.

So how about this.

If five people comment about their experience of telling a stranger that they're beautiful, then I will write a whole post in exquisite Zachary James detail about my own experience doing the exact same thing.

Honestly, doing such a thing goes a bit beyond my own comfort level. However, if I get enough of you to engage with the challenge, then I'll gladly do it myself, probably in an embarrassing fashion.

I look forward to hearing about your experience!

The Rhinoceros Technique in Dating - Thursday Thought #4

During Valentine's Week 2016, I talked about how people can clear up all misunderstandings between genders with proper communication. That particular post was designed to help people maintain and develop pre-established relationships.

But let's talk about communication in regards to romantic interests.

Let's say you're a (guy/girl) crushing on a (girl/guy). You think they're attractive, or fun to be around, or just very, very interesting. However, you're not sure they would feel the same way. What do you do?

In my case, I would use what I call the Rhinoceros Technique.

It's simple, really. Imagine a rhinoceros charging forward. Anything with a brain will get out of the way, and anything without a brain better hope it's made of material strong enough to withstand five thousand pounds of wild animal. If the rhinoceros wants to get anywhere, by golly, you better believe it can.

So the same with relationships. If you're interested in someone, be a rhinoceros, charge in, and tell them how you feel. One of three things will happen.

(1) They might not be sure, but be willing to feel things out.

(2) They might not feel the same way.

(3) They might, you guessed it, actually feel the same way.

Sure, some disappointment might come if the first, and definitely the second, turns out to be the case. But what do you really lose if you just say how you feel? And if they feel the same way, think of what you have to gain.

So, the next time you're spending way too much time wondering about your crush, consider this. And let me know in the comments if it works out!

Should You Tell Strangers They're Beautiful? - Thinkjoust Tuesday #49

This video went viral for a while back in 2015. Ever since then, I've been thinking about how this sort of exercise would work in an open setting.

For example, I remember when I was first entering the missionary training center. As my Dad drove me up to the cul-de-sac to drop me off, a group of missionaries heading off to exercise in the field passed by my open window. "Welcome!" some of them called.

"YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!" one bellowed.

The compliment surprised me, but I was so relieved by the random compliment, I was better able to shoulder the conflicting emotions I was feeling, as well as better hold back any threatening tears looming to escape the jail of my ducts.

I've heard other stories of individuals being told that they're beautiful by random strangers, and how touched and excited they were thanks to this encounter. Even though telling strangers they're beautiful seems to grind against American social structures, I don't think anyone would be entirely against having this experience.

At the same time, I can imagine certain circumstances in which people might be put off by this sort of complimenting. What if the complimenter is much older than the complimentee, but not old enough? What if the complimenter just looks creepy, or gives off creepy vibes? What if the complimentee just doesn't find the complimenter beautiful back? What if the delivery comes across as forced or awkward? What if the complimentee just feels like they're being hit on? What if the complimenter uses the exchange to hit on the complimentee?

As you can see, this can go a lot of different directions. Complimenting random strangers may not always be appropriate.

So here's the thinkjoust. Is this activity ever appropriate? And if so, then when? Comment below or on the usual social media platforms, and you may just be featured!

I look forward to hearing what you all have to say.

A Note on the Dating Habits of Feminists - Thursday Thought #3

This post is very much a sister post to the last Thursday Thought.

I consider myself a supporter of pure feminism, which I define as a movement seeking equality for women.* It appalls me when women are objectified by the media, by society, and by people I know. Women deserve to have every right a man does. Many people are depressingly ignorant of the physical, social, and mental issues associated with the abuse of women. I have met and heard of men who are irredeemable because of the way they treat the opposite sex. For example, I am incredibly angered by the actions of Mike Faverman, which recently went viral (note: Faverman's texts contain some graphic descriptions).

Now, I'm not going to say I'm a feminist, nor am I going to say I'm perfect at standing up for every feminist issue. I profess to and apologize for my ignorance regarding many of these issues. At the same time, I've noticed a few unpleasant trends in my dating life that are connected to self-proclaimed feminists, and I wanted to address them.

For starters, if you are a feminist, please don't disrespect my attempts to be chivalrous. Yes, chivalry is not dead. Yes, some men are jerks, but I don't hold your door open so I can look at your butt. I don't try to buy my way to kisses with dinner. I hold your door open because I'm showing you respect. I buy you dinner because I enjoy your company and doubt my own company would be worth it otherwise.

And you know what? I'm not going to stop doing those things. But if you are a feminist, don't take advantage of me. If you truly believe in equality between men and women, don't just keep accepting dates because you like getting free meals. I may enjoy your company, but don't waste your time if you don't enjoy mine. And if you do enjoy my company, then at least offer to buy a meal sometime, or even hold the door open. I probably won't let you, but at least I'll know you're not just enjoying the feeling of being served by a member of the opposition, aka men.

And if you're a feminist, don't play hard to get. Don't play coy and play games with people's minds. Don't put yourself on a pedestal. Don't make yourself a prize to be won. All you're really doing is objectifying yourself. You turn yourself into an object to lust after. You make yourself unreachable, and therefore less personable. Your refusal to communicate your true feelings masks your true character and persona, making it impossible for your value as a three-dimensional person to come to light. You are more than a shiny trophy. Don't be one.

And finally, it can be annoying to see men act like pigs. It can be annoying to watch them ogle and pine over statuesque celebrities. But if you are a feminist, don't ogle and pine over shirtless boy bands and actors. Otherwise, you engage in the same objectifying act. Don't create another double standard. The search for equality across gender, race, and creed should never compromise on any double standards.

This post may not be popular. I apologize for any offense, for none is intended. And I am definitely not saying all women, or even all feminists, act in the ways I described. That would be generalizing.

And I hate all generalizations.**

*I do not support extreme feminism, which I define as the aggrandization of women over men.

**I see the irony here.

Why I Believe No Woman Is Worth Fighting For - Thursday Thought #2

When it comes to dating and relationships, I am a firm believer in equality.

I don't want to be in control, nor do I want to be without say. I want to be in a partnership, equally yolked. I want to make big decisions only after conferring with my significant other. I want us both to feel confident in our decisions and push forward with a full understanding that we will support each other no matter what.

It's likely impossible to form this sort of bond prior to entering a relationship. As it is, society dictates that someone has to initiate romantic contact before any partnership can be formed. In our society, it is the man who acts as the initiator, usually by asking a lady on a date.

When a guy asks a girl on a date, he is generally putting himself into a vulnerable position. If the guy is truly interested in the girl, then he has, in a way, already committed to at least seeing where things might go.

I'm OK with that. The thing is, as time goes on, and I ask a girl on more and more dates, there comes a point when she gains control.

She may express interest, but seems hesitant about fully committing. She may be slow to finalize plans. She may be dating several other guys. She may seem eager to socialize in person, but distant when away.

I'm OK with that. But the longer that goes on, the less I want to keep up the pursuit.

If I were to actually enter into a relationship with that sort of person, then I'm signalling that while it was an easy choice for me, it was a difficult, even trying, choice for her. Already the partnership I'm gunning for is undermined, because it puts her on a pedestal where she has the final say in where our relationship goes and what it decides.

When I'm looking for a relationship, I'm looking for someone who's just as willing to take a chance on me as I am on them.

Thinking Differently is NOT Thinking Wrong

Our new Change and Cherish mascots make their official debut in this final scheduled Friday post! I'm calling them 'The Light-bulb People' for now. They're supposed to represent the concept of thought, inspired by the cartoons which often portray light-bulbs over the heads of characters after they have an idea.

As you can see above, today's two light-bulbs emit different-colored lights. This demonstrates that some people think differently than yourself. Yes, you, faithful reader. And, of course, I'm here to say that that doesn't make them wrong.

As I discussed in the 16 Personalities post, everyone has a different personality, and because of this, everyone has a different filter through which they view the world. For example, one person may be opposed to drinking caffeine, but another person may absolutely love to drink it. One of the most all-time popular Change and Cherish Blog posts revolves around tattoos. I mention in the post that Mormons don't generally get tattoos, but I don't think I'd get a tattoo even if I wasn't Mormon. I don't even like people writing on me, so a tattoo on my own flesh would drive me nuts. However, that doesn't mean I think every person who has tattoos are crazy or idiotic. And I shouldn't either way.

The same goes for philosophies, politics, and even religious beliefs. Too often we find people on different sides of a debate, unwilling to consider or seek compromises. I, myself, have been guilty of assuming a strong stance against something or other and refusing to see an issue from the other side. When we think about things like gun control, the best solution for all parties can rarely be found among extremist sides.

Even social interactions can be viewed through different lenses. Just because you like to go around and party and be surrounded by people, doesn't mean your introverted friends can't thrive doing something by themselves. They aren't wrong for liking their alone time.

I only bring this up because I believe many people often think to themselves, mostly unconsciously, "If you think or act differently than me, then you're wrong." Even worse, people sometimes go so far as to assume someone 'different' is automatically an antagonist to their beliefs and lifestyle. As an example, just because I'm a Mormon, doesn't mean I despise all other religions. Just because I'm a man, doesn't mean I despise feminists. Just because I'm a millennial, doesn't mean I like Bernie Sanders.

If I am careful to consider the fact that nobody has to be wrong, then I often find more peace and kindness in my daily life. 

I hope that everyone finds the same.

Why You NEED To Go On Dates With Complete Strangers

This last Tuesday, I asked you all if you would be willing to date a complete stranger.

Surprisingly, everyone seemed to be down for it!

And so many intrepid adventurers went seeking for dates and digits.

The thing is, everyone listed some sort of condition before expressing a willingness to actually go on the date. Some people were concerned their date might be sketchy or a creeper (which is a somewhat nebulous concept). Some people wanted an exact itinerary. Some people wanted their stranger date to be attractive, and some people didn't care either way as long as they, themselves, were armed.

Tinder was also mentioned in the comments as a basic illustration of this concept in actual practice. Since I don't have a smart phone anymore, I don't use Tinder, but when I was using Tinder, I formulated a technique that incidentally incorporated nearly every one of the concerns listed in your comments.

Obviously, if we both swiped right and talked, we found each other attractive. When setting up the first date, I never offered to pick the girl up. This was because I didn't want to have to ask for her address, and therefore give off that worrisome creeper vibe. Instead, I picked activities that could be held in a neutral, public place, like the local university. I also planned the dates for earlier in the evening, while the sun was still out, which helped keep the fright of the night down.

But why go on these sorts of dates at all?

As some people alluded in the comments, dates with strangers can be fun. There's usually a bit more of a story to go along with it, and the journey into the unknown can be exhilarating. As for my personal experiences, I obviously haven't ended up seriously dating any complete stranger I've ever asked on a date, but I've found some of my greatest friends from among such dates.

So go on! Ask a complete stranger out this week! If they say no, it's not like you lost anything, but if they say yes, who knows what will happen from there?

This Week's Top Comments

Would You Accept a Date from a Stranger? - Thinkjoust Tuesday #44

I'm sure most of you have been on a blind date, which is technically a date with a stranger. However, many blind dates are set up by trusted individuals in your confidence. Your friend knows this 'great person' who they can just tell is your future spouse, so you begrudgingly agree to give it a shot.

But that's not what I'm talking about in this particular post. I'm talking about a date with a TOTAL stranger.

They may be in your congregation. They may be a classmate. They may be someone walking past you in the street. You may even be familiar with their face and/or name, but nothing else.

Then they do something crazy. They call your number from the church directory. They pull you aside after class. They stop you cold in the street. They do the unthinkable.

They ask for a date.

You're obviously single in this scenario, so what do you say? And why?

Do you say 'yes' because you like adventure? Do you say 'no' because you're creeped out that they know your name, and you don't know theirs? Are you flattered anyway?

Let's talk about this. Leave a comment below!

You Can't Go Through Life Without Hurting People

No, not that kind of hurting people.

In my personal experience, I've found that the modern usage of the word heartbreaker has a negative connotation. Modern heartbreakers are people who try to get with as many different partners as they can. You're are of the appropriate synonyms.

However, the original usage of heartbreaker actually had positive connotations. A heartbreaker was considered to be quite the catch. When the heartbreaker finally chose a significant other, many individuals would be 'heartbroken,' not because the heartbreaker did anything to them, but because there wasn't enough of the heartbreaker to go around.

Yes, I'm aware many girls think all guys are tools. Many guys find girls nothing but promiscuous. But I do believe modern heartbreakers exist in this world. Those people cannot go through life without hurting people, albeit unintentionally.

"Ok, fine," you say. "So heartbreakers can't go through life without hurting people, but I can guarantee I'm not a heartbreaker. Nobody likes me."

You know, random reader, sometimes I feel the same way. But take a peek at this.

I once read a sentiment written by some wise individual that was posted to Facebook following its beginnings on tumblr. I'll paraphrase as best as I can.

"You know all those times when you admire someone from afar, and they never knew? How many times have you been that person for someone else?" 

You may think you know the effect you have on people, but you really don't. Odds are, there is someone out there who finds you an attractive and interesting person, but are just too shy to do anything about it.

Congratulations, you're a heartbreaker.

Even beyond dating, sometimes you just can't help but hurt people's feelings in other ways. I have met people who own the mentality that they "just want to do the right thing." That is so admirable, let me tell you, but always doing the right thing doesn't mean people won't still be hurt.

I honestly believe every single one of our current presidential candidates believes they are doing the right thing. All of them have offended or angered scores of Americans across the nation. You, yourself, have beliefs and principles and morals that may offend the sensibilities of those around you. I am not a smoker, and I have no desire to ever smoke, but I don't judge people who do smoke. It's just a thing people do. However, when I gained the trust of my coworkers while I worked at Sonic, a few grew upset when I refused to participate in their breakly ritual. "Just a puff," they said. "If you don't do it, then you're dissing my lifestyle."

I'm sure many of you have found yourselves in similar situations.

If you have religious, personal, political, or even moral standards, then you'll likely offend someone. Some people are even looking to be offended by people with different sensibilities than them.

"Ok, cool," you say. "You've convinced me. But what's the point?"

I've met some people who hate to hurt people's feelings. I'll admit, I'm one of those people. The thing is, this type of person often hold themselves back. They are so worried that their opinion or action might hurt someone else, they never do anything for themselves. They leap through life's hoops seeking only to please or ease someone else and their own burdens. They date people they don't really want to. They hide their opinions and beliefs in the face of scrutiny. They do things because someone else told them to, not because they wanted to do those things for themselves.

I think I've made my point. So here's my challenge for you today.

If you are worried about hurting people's feelings, don't be. Obviously, this world needs more kindness and tact, but there comes a point where you need to stand for yourself. Be that person. And while some people may turn away from you, the people who will prove the most important in your life will gather around you.

I've seen it.

The Date You Should Kiss On & Why I Hate It

Today's post is the follow up to the post at this link.

On Tuesday, I asked people on which date they thought the guy should kiss the girl. I said I personally don't want to kiss a girl until I've made some sort of direct commitment to her.

Special thanks to my models.

The responses were mixed. Some people took the time to chat about a first date anecdote (I didn't save these comments for posterity because they didn't necessarily help answer the question). Some people agreed with my philosophy. Others thought my philosophy was stupid.

The arguments against my philosophy were more eloquently put than were the arguments for my personal philosophy. As it was, the answer to my question seemed to be, "Second date or bust."

The thing was, several of my close female friends have told me they liked my way of thinking. And when I talked about my post with a new friend of mine, she told me I was spot on with my philosophy.

Of course, all this confusion didn't really answer my former question. "Which Date Should You Kiss On?" There didn't seem to be one answer, and I agonized over how to write this post.

Then, all at once, I had it.

I already wrote about this issue at this link.

See, there's two different versions of 'The Game'. One is the version I just made you lose. The other is a shortened way to say 'The Dating Game.' And nobody likes the dating game. But what really is the Dating Game?

A failure to communicate.

For example, when a girl looks between the lines of every text a guy sends, she's playing the dating game. She is assuming he's not being forthright in his statements. She guess and second guesses every move he makes, expecting ulterior motives because she doesn't want to ask exactly what he's thinking.

On the flip side, when a guy looks between the lines of every text a girl sends, he's playing the dating game. He is assuming she's not being forthright in her statements. He guess and second guesses every move she makes, expecting ulterior motives because he doesn't want to ask exactly what she's thinking.

If people were more upfront, the 'Dating Game' would die.

So let's go back to kissing. It's pretty obvious that many different people have many different viewpoints about kissing and when you should initiate. What if people with different kissing philosophies start going on dates together?

Why not talk about it?

Me: "Hey, girl I'm into! I really enjoyed this second date, and I want to kiss you, but I personally don't feel super comfortable kissing girls until I'm committed to them."

Girl: "That's totally fair! However, I don't feel super comfortable going on a third date with you until you express your interest with a kiss."

Me: "So you're saying if I don't kiss you, it's a deal breaker?"

Girl: "Yeah! What if we don't kiss before we start dating officially, and it turns out you're a super gross kisser?"

Me: "Yeah, and what if you're a super gross kisser?"

Girl: "Uh ... sure?"

... or the girl says she's willing to wait or whatever. The point is, if you're willing to talk about it, you can figure out not only how to mesh your kissing philosophies, but also how you can talk through things together. That's also important to know before you guys start reaching critical commitment levels, anyway.

But what do you think? Be sure to leave a comment below!

This Week's Top Comments

This was a text message from my sister forwarded to my email.

Which Date Should You Kiss On? - Thinkjoust Tuesday #40

Let's talk about dating etiquette!

My personal policy is that I don't kiss anyone until I've made a commitment to them. I will not be changing this policy anytime soon.

At the same time, a few of my friend's female friends recently told him they expect to be kissed on the second date. After all, they said, if the guy hasn't kissed you by then, that means he's not interested. They wouldn't believe the guy is interested even if he's asked for a third date.

I found their philosophy, which was so contrary to mine, fascinating. My friend's friends and I represented two different ends of a wide spectrum. If I were to date someone looking for a second date kiss, then I might unintentionally alienate them by operating under my own policy. My friend and I discussed how many potential relationships may end based on people holding these sorts of differing viewpoints.

I'm writing this blog post to try and get a feel for the average first kiss expectations among my readers. I plan to use Saturday's post to present my findings. My studies will include any arguments you deliver via the comments section or social media engagements.

I look forward to hearing what you have to say.

Rejecting is as Difficult as Being Rejected

That's right, folks, it's another post about dating by the guy who barely knows anything about dating!

But maybe I can't say that anymore. I actually started dating someone a week ago (and she is amazing, by the way).

Either way, before we made it official, we found ourselves in a state called 'mutual attraction.' Not only did I like her, she liked me, which both confused and delighted us. I'm not sure why she found it so strange that I liked her, though; she's way out of my league. ;)

The reason I bring this up is because mutual attractions seem rare to me. After all, if you remember from this year's current post of pride, I've been on a lot of dates. I've liked girls who weren't interested in me, and girls have liked me when I wasn't interested in them. It happens.

The thing is, society often focuses on how hard it is to be rejected. You see movies and TV shows where our hapless Heroine sits crying in her bedroom, wishing Johnny Beautiful hadn't chosen Clara Perfect over her. We've seen our hapless Hero get in car chases, break through airport security, and get arrested trying to win their woman's love back. If we know anything from popular fiction, getting rejected hurts.

So how can rejecting someone else hurt?

You may call me a Rousseauist, but I believe most people are inherently good. When it comes to dating, I imagine people don't really want to hurt each others' feelings. And if someone really likes you, it's hard to tell them, "I'm sorry, but no."

After all, if someone has invested a lot of thought and time and money and emotion into you, you know they're going to be hurt by your rejection. Because of this, you often find reluctant individuals who go on dates with the same person over and over again. They do this because they're just trying to develop a interest.

I might call up one of my friends. "What's up?"

"I got another date with JimBob tonight," she says.

"JimBob? But you don't even like the guy!"

"I know. He's just so sweet, and so nice, and I think he's really cool and cute. If I were interested in him, then I'd be so lucky to date him. I keep trying to change my mind."

And that's the other thing. Sometimes, you meet someone so amazing, so astounding, but you just don't feel that all-encompassing attraction. You want to be attracted to this person, but you just can't convince yourself that you are.

In that case, turning away from such a great potential romantic partner can seem like a big mistake. Not only is your rejection liable to hurt the other person's feeling, but you're also passing up on what seems like a perfectly good opportunity. So when it finally comes time to tell the person you don't see a romance developing between you two, it can hurt you just as much as it hurts them. And consider this. Now you have to go back to being single with little to no prospects. Guh.

There are ways to lessen your own personal pain if you have to be the one saying, "No."

If you're the object of affection, you can be blunt and tell the person you're not interested as soon as possible. A less direct method (which I don't approve of, but have seen used several times) is ignoring or offending the interested person. thus demonstrating that you weren't ever worth it as a crush, anyway.

But what other methods exist? Be sure to leave a comment below!

It's Summer Somewhere Slam 2016 (4 Videos)

You know, every time I write a post about BYU's poetry slams (like this one, and this one), I always throw a whole bunch of commentary in about my thoughts on the event, how glad I was to go, what I liked the most about it, yadda yadda yadda.

Well, guess what. There are some fantastic slam poets down below, just waiting for you to give them your ear. I'm not going to let my windbag writing style keep you from the fruit!

I didn't record these two, but seeing as how they were my favorite, I promoted them to this post's visual representation in social media. Now, onto the slams!

And if you'd like to see the text of Josie and I's poem, here it is. We wrote our own lines, so BAM.

Opportunity Cost

Both (together)

An exposé of the thoughts in your mind

when you pass someone special that catches your eye

Josie

I saw you last week, I think

In a crowd, just a blink,

but long enough because I’ve made you familiar enough.

Somehow, someway, I know your gait, your pace

I know you’re coming down the hall, my face

drops to the floor

I can’t pretend you haven’t walked by before

Or that I didn’t purposely sit by the door

To jump up ever so casually

To time this ever so perfectly

Align it all cosmically

expect it expectantly

Zac

Life is so amazin’, and I find bliss

then I’m lost in a maze, and my mind is

screaming like a broken record

Hatch like I’m a yolk and egg, or

suffocate inside my shell

My next step is hard to tell

When I see your face, girl, wanna say hi

But then you gotta go and pass me by,

Again and again, time and time

But you’re not the first path I’ve crossed in kind

i can’t just talk to you brazenly

but maybe we’d hit it off, and eventually

I’d find happiness resting inside your arms

But I can’t imagine talking doing good than harm

Josie

I know you like basketball because you mentioned the score- 

My dad and I’ve been watching since I was just 4

I know you like farming, or maybe just green, 

because you wear a John Deere tractor shirt which kind of baffles me

I know you like I know the back of my hand, 

which actually is a saying I don’t really understand

Probably, you have a sister who bought you those shoes- 

in my head you’re adorably clueless about mixing browns and blues

Or maybe it’s a girlfriend who’s influencing your taste-  

my bubble has burst with your arm around her waist

But what’s the harm in hoping that only I can see your charm- 

and as long as no one knows, they can’t be too alarmed

Zac

Don’t know a thing about you, but I can assume

After all, you always light this room

I’mma super geek, you seem cooler than me

Looking right on fleek as you flaunt your jeans

Do you watch TV, and the shows I like

What about your major, is it art or psych?

Are you the kind of person likin’ quiet nights indoors,

Do you ski on a mountain or sunbathe by the shore

So many things I could learn, as my head a-starts to turn

Daren’t say a thing cuz my interest you will burn.

Josie

Out of nowhere, I’m thinking that you and me is we

Which scared my sense of individuality

I want to pretend that I’ve got immunity,

that my independence guards me from ever being weak

But independent me is blind to opportunities

And if I see you, you might say something to me

Zac

I’m just tryna weigh your opportunity cost

I wanna label you a queen with immunity to frost

Cuz If I talk to you, I might look the foo’

I don’t really want pity from a stranger like you

So I think I’m just going to let this slide

and avert my gaze when you meet my eyes

Both (together)

I’ve made up my list:

Both (back and forth)

Z Engaging and precise

J My aunts will think he’s nice

Z Astoundingly aware

J Knows “their”, they’re and there

J Strong jawline,

Z Jokes about doing lines

J Ready to go green

Z Intellect sharp and keen

Z Okay with Rap

J Knows the poverty gap

Z Uses slang from the 80s

J Impressed my roommate, Katie

J Kind, humble and smart,

Z Fine with clothes from Wal-Mart,

J Aware of his Maker

Z Testimony Anchored

Both (together)

I’ve made up my list and you perfectly fit

Because you seem legit, not a counterfeit

Here’s the harm in hoping when passing in the hall

I think I know you, don’t say hi at all

An exposé of the opportunity cost

when you pass someone special: opportunity lost