But maybe I can't say that anymore. I actually started dating someone a week ago (and she is amazing, by the way).
Either way, before we made it official, we found ourselves in a state called 'mutual attraction.' Not only did I like her, she liked me, which both confused and delighted us. I'm not sure why she found it so strange that I liked her, though; she's way out of my league. ;)
The reason I bring this up is because mutual attractions seem rare to me. After all, if you remember from this year's current post of pride, I've been on a lot of dates. I've liked girls who weren't interested in me, and girls have liked me when I wasn't interested in them. It happens.
The thing is, society often focuses on how hard it is to be rejected. You see movies and TV shows where our hapless Heroine sits crying in her bedroom, wishing Johnny Beautiful hadn't chosen Clara Perfect over her. We've seen our hapless Hero get in car chases, break through airport security, and get arrested trying to win their woman's love back. If we know anything from popular fiction, getting rejected hurts.
So how can rejecting someone else hurt?
You may call me a Rousseauist, but I believe most people are inherently good. When it comes to dating, I imagine people don't really want to hurt each others' feelings. And if someone really likes you, it's hard to tell them, "I'm sorry, but no."
After all, if someone has invested a lot of thought and time and money and emotion into you, you know they're going to be hurt by your rejection. Because of this, you often find reluctant individuals who go on dates with the same person over and over again. They do this because they're just trying to develop a interest.
I might call up one of my friends. "What's up?"
"I got another date with JimBob tonight," she says.
"JimBob? But you don't even like the guy!"
"I know. He's just so sweet, and so nice, and I think he's really cool and cute. If I were interested in him, then I'd be so lucky to date him. I keep trying to change my mind."
And that's the other thing. Sometimes, you meet someone so amazing, so astounding, but you just don't feel that all-encompassing attraction. You want to be attracted to this person, but you just can't convince yourself that you are.
In that case, turning away from such a great potential romantic partner can seem like a big mistake. Not only is your rejection liable to hurt the other person's feeling, but you're also passing up on what seems like a perfectly good opportunity. So when it finally comes time to tell the person you don't see a romance developing between you two, it can hurt you just as much as it hurts them. And consider this. Now you have to go back to being single with little to no prospects. Guh.
There are ways to lessen your own personal pain if you have to be the one saying, "No."
If you're the object of affection, you can be blunt and tell the person you're not interested as soon as possible. A less direct method (which I don't approve of, but have seen used several times) is ignoring or offending the interested person. thus demonstrating that you weren't ever worth it as a crush, anyway.
But what other methods exist? Be sure to leave a comment below!
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