Would You Even Want to Read Minds? - Thinkjoust Tuesday #55

I mean, think about it.

True, there are a lot of benefits associated with reading minds. You wouldn't have to guess anyone's motives. It'd be easy to determine if someone's actions were malicious or just plain stupid. When it came to progression in the workplace, you'd never have to wonder what your boss liked or hoped to accomplish. And relationships would be cake. Communication between partners would lack barriers, and if you were looking for a partner, all you'd have to do is walk in front of someone and see what they think about you. If they think you're worth a second glance, great! Even better, you could see the good other people recognize in you.

Of course, there are just as many negative aspects to mind-reading. It'd be tough to put any effort into getting to know someone if you already know their opinions on things. A lot of the mysteries in life would be absent, and therefore so would a lot of the fun. And while you may know the good things people think about you, you'd also know all the bad things. You may even discover that the people you thought were closest to you harbor resentment and frustration against you, wearing nothing but a friendly facade when actually interacting with you.

So let's run down a hypothetical scenario. 

You trip over a lamp and accidentally summons a genie. Rather than giving you wishes, however, he grants you a choice. You can either accept the ability to permanently read minds, or refuse it altogether. Note that, in this case, thoughts reaching your brain would work similarly to speech reaching your ears. The closer you are to someone, the easier you can 'hear' their thoughts, and the more clear the thought, the 'louder' it seems.

Which would you choose?

I look forward to your comments!

How to Deliver Effective Speeches - Thursday Thought #9

There are times when I use this blog to get up on my soap box and vent. Today is one of those days.

You ever hear someone tell a story that feels like it's getting way off track? It might go something like this.

"So I was trying to figure out how to get rid of the virus on my computer. I Googled what I knew, but the first few results were old posts left on the forums of the OS customer support that nobody had ever answered. After I few more hours of research, I discovered a possible solution, only to realize it was for an older version of the OS that is now considered obsolete. Deciding to give it a try anyway, I ran the fix, but it turned out the website I was taking advice from was crooked, and I ended up getting another virus. So now I was trying to figure out how to get rid of that virus on my computer."

Ha ha, you think. That story was incredibly boring, but I see what you did there.

But the speaker doesn't smile. They don't even seem aware of what they just did. They don't even notice your look of horror. They just continue.

"I Googled what I knew."

No!

"But the first few results were old posts left on the forums of the OS customer support."

You clench your fists, fall on your knees, and shout to the skies. "Noooooooo!"

Your boring, technology-illiterate friend has entered a rambling loop. They will continue to tell the same story over and over again, perhaps even blending the same two or three experiences together, without even realizing it. They'll finish the story about how they got the third virus, think that the story about the first virus was pretty good, and then start telling that one because who wants to miss out on a thriller like that?

I actually hear these circular stories at events designed to be inspirational. I remember countless pep talks in my youth groups and sports teams that really lost their steam long before the fifth time my leader told us to reach within ourselves and find greatness.

"All right, guys, listen! You all keep mucking around, doing whatever you wanna do, but we're trying to accomplish something great here. We don't need you to go running off every time it pleases you. We need you to be men. We need you to reach deep down inside and find whatever motivates you and do it. Being the best of the best takes time and effort, but if you're not putting in the effort, then you're just wasting everyone's time. So make your decision, because if you're with us, then you're with us, but if you're going to drag us down, you might as well pack up and go home."

A tear would come to my eye. Yes, I'd think. That was perfect. Don't ruin it by ...

"I mean, you muck around here, you'll probably muck around back home, so what's the difference? The difference is we're trying to accomplish something great here. We don't need you to run off every time you want. Be men, for crying out loud ..."

I would clench my fists, fall on my knees, and shout to the skies. "Noooooooooo!"

"James!" my leader would yell. "What in Sam's hill are you doing? Take fifty laps!"

"Oh, thank goodness," I'd say, prompting a lot of weird looks from my peers and leaders alike.

Now that I've released my pent-up rage, let me explain how you can stop rambling.

You Do Not Have a Soundtrack

A lot of people watch movies and see someone tell long stories or give long motivational speeches and think, I can do that. The problem is, most of those stories and speeches are actually scripted, and given greater meaning and importance thanks to the swelling music accompanying the scene. It is incredibly difficult to give your speech the necessary zing by working off the cuff.

So practice, but start small. When you have the floor, say what you want and what you mean in short, simple terms. Imagine how much more effective the above pep talk would have been had my leader walked in, looked at us all for a few silent seconds, and then said the last two lines.

"Being the best of the best takes time and effort, but if you're not putting in the effort, then you're just wasting everyone's time. So make your decision, because if you're with us, then you're with us, but if you're going to drag us down, you might as well pack up and go home."

Boom. The leader walks away. We're all left to ponder on those words. 

You Are the One Responsible for Audience Engagement

And moving on from that point, watch your audience. If they seem restless or fidgety, or have stopped paying attention to you, don't blame them. If you have the floor, you are the one responsible for keeping them interested in what you're saying. If people stop listening, then you stop talking, because if you lost them, the only way you're going to get them back is by surprising them.

Pay Attention to Time

In the end, the most important thing is noticing how long you've been talking. If it feels like you've been chatting for too long, you probably have. In fact, by the time you realize you're rambling, you've probably already been rambling for quite some time. The shorter the speech, the more powerful the message. Don't believe me?

Some of the most powerful speeches in American history are incredibly short. Look at Lincoln's Gettysburg Address. One of the dumbest speeches in American history was William Henry Harrison's inaugural address. He spoke for nearly two hours and ended up dying because of it. It doesn't matter if Harrison unlocked the secret to world peace in that address, the only thing people are going to remember him for is that his overly-long speech killed him.

 

With that, I've been rambling too long, so in order to combat any further hypocrisy (and to preserve my own life), I will end the post here.

Enjoy your improved inspirational skills!

Milky Way Commercials: The Ultimate Mystery - Thursday Thought #6

I don't know if anyone else has thought much about the new* Milky Way commercials, but by the ever-lovin' hair on a llama's rump, I certainly have! There is something bizarre going on in these things!

If you don't know what I'm talking about, check out this:

Let me break down why I'm obsessed with this ad campaign.

Many commercials utilize the concept of 'audience surrogacy' in their campaigns. The idea is that the audience will want to be the character presented in the commercial, and therefore will buy the product the character uses. Examples of this include these two commcercials, which are both part of larger campaigns seeking to resonate with their audience.**

When someone watches these commercials, the advertisers hope to inspire their consumers. "Wow!" we're supposed to think. "That man is so dang desirable/interesting because he uses this shampoo/drinks this alcohol! I want to be like him, so I should do what he's doing!"

So let's go back to the Milky Way commercials.

In them, we meet a colorful cast of characters who are remarkably apathetic. From lumberjacks to tattoo artists, these people frequently fail to accomplish even the most basic of tasks because they were 'eating a Milky Way.' Even poor 'regerts' guy, who may now have gathered a few regerts despite his permanently emboldened claims to the contrary, doesn't seem to care that much about his lamentable fate. I would have gone ballistic.

In the end, however, there is nothing about these incompetent, unaware, self-centered Milky Way fanatics that make me want to be like them. At first glance, it would appear as though the Mars confectionery company has failed to produce an ad campaign that promotes the consumption of their product.

But then again, why have I been buying so many Milky Way bars this past week? 

*My further research suggests that these commercials are actually over a year old. However, I hadn't seen a single one until this past week. Now I've seen hundreds of them, for some reason. New push, old material?

**I am merely using these commercials to make and prove points. I neither endorse nor condone the featured products.

THE DEATH OF THE REPUBLICAN PARTY?!?

HAHA symbolism.

In my last post about Mr. Trump, I mentioned I would soon discuss the possibility of a split vote within the Republican party.

See, the ongoing caucuses are an attempt by the Republicans and Democrats to determine which prominent members of their party should represent them in the presidential election. The party leaders could just choose their candidate themselves, but they instead seek the opinions of the majority. The thing is, if no one potential candidate gains enough of a majority vote within the political party, then we have what's called a 'brokered convention.' 

In essence, a brokered convention could mean that anyone in the party may be chosen to run for president, regardless of who was running in the race previous. The leaders of the party may pick a candidate from among the currently running candidates, or they may choose someone who hasn't participated in the race at all previously.

My description dumbs down the subtleties of brokered conventions, but it serves my purposes here.

Now consider that the leaders of the Republican party don't particularly like Trump. Want proof? Check this out. Or this. Or that. Or even this. There are many people at the top of the GOP who want Trump out.

The thing is, Trump fans are numerous and rabid. They want their man to win. And Trump has the power and money to continue campaigning under the banner of a third party. The media certainly love him, and they won't forget about him even if he's no longer the Republican candidate.

The thing is, people participating in the Republican caucuses are registered as Republicans. So what happens when a large chunk of registered Republican voters switch over to Donald Trump's third party?

This Q&A from Quora sums up the issue nicely. Let's just make things simple. Let's say that, in a typical election, 40% of Democrats always vote Democrat and 40% of Republicans always vote Republican. The remaining 20% remains undecided until the election.

But let's say Trump steals 50% of Republican party voters. The Democrats would still get their 40%, but with Trump supporters, Republicans, and undecided voters getting 20% of the overall vote each ... Odds are, the Democratic party has already won the election.

What if Trump's third party ends up creaming the Republican nominee in the final election? Are we witnessing the death of the Republican party and the birth of the Trump party?

Even worse, are we looking at a country that is governed by one majority political party?

It's no secret I don't like the bipartisan system, but a uni-partisan system is even more terrifying. And quite frankly, I don't care which party gains control of the nation. I don't want any of them to have that kind of power.

If you're curious to read my other entries in my series on Donald Trump, check these links:

Stop Talking About Donald Trump

Why Donald Trump Will Not Win

V-Day Week 2016: The Top 10 Pieces of Dating Advice I Hate

In honor of the week leading up to Valentine's Day, I have prepared a series of posts all about love and romance!

I've been single for close to four years now. Many people treat my situation like a disease, and they offer free advice about how I can rid myself of this irksome ailment. The promised 'cure' comes in the form of cliche phrases.

I dislike these 'cure-alls' enough that I wrote an exaggerated blog post about them! Let's take a look!

Note: I wrote these from my own perspective. Re-imagine them with you in mind!

"It's a numbers game."

Let me tell you something. In the six months after I came back home from my mission, I went on one hundred first dates. One. Hundred. That does not count second or third or even fifth dates. That does not count the 13 months I spent dating since then. In comparison, some of my male friends go on ten, maybe fifteen dates at the most in between relationships. TELL ME IT'S A NUMBERS GAME ONE MORE TIME.

"It's their loss."

Maybe it's my loss. Just stop and think about that for a second.

"Honesty is the best policy."

Sure thing! Next time I go on a blind date, and she asks me what my interests are, I'll tell her all about Dungeons and Dragons. Oh, does she also know I watch My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic? And let's be honest, if she's willing to accept me even then, just wait until she finds out I'm a blogger.

"Find people with similar interests."

Sure thing! I'll just join the Novel-Writing Blog-Posting Poetry-Penning Drum-Beating Uke-Strumming Ballad-Singing Poor-Acting Cartoon-Drawing Webcomic-Reading TV-Watching Video-Gaming Musical-Listening Fan Club just down the street! I love the NWBPPPDBUSBSPACDWRTVWVGMLFC SO MUCH.

"Opposites attract."

But ... you literally just told me to find people with similar interests. Like, literally SIX SENTENCES AGO. And what, pray tell, is my opposite? Is it someone shorter than me? Taller than me? Cooler than me? More muscular than me? More attractive than me? Someone with interests dissimilar to my own? What, exactly, is the interest opposite novel writing? I'm waiting!

"Go after what you want."

Well, now I don't know what I want! Do I want my exact opposite? Do I want someone with similar interests? Do I want someone who's honest with me, or someone who goes to the grave hiding their secrets? And maybe I'm less interested in what I want, and more interested in what I need. Ever think of that?

"There are plenty of fish in the sea."

You're absolutely right! But a majority of those fish aren't anywhere near me, and most of the rest aren't interested in my bait! Let's imagine a proper fisherman spending three hours leading his hooked catch toward the boat before his line snaps and the fish gets away. If you try to tell that fisherman there are plenty of fish in the sea, he will kill you. The fisherman doesn't care about what he might catch, he only cares about losing the catch he already had.

"You'll find her when you stop looking."

That doesn't make a dang lick of sense. Isn't the guy supposed to be the one initiating things? If I stop looking, I will literally stop going on dates.

"Being single is better anyway ..." (from a single person)

Oh, really. Then why were you whining about your recent break-up only last week. 

"Being single is better anyway ..." (from someone in a relationship) 

Break-up, then! What the heck are you waiting for?

And, my favorite bit of dating advice to hate ...

"If she wants you to kiss her, make her wait another week, and then kiss her."

For starters, how the heck am I supposed to know if she wants me to kiss her? And honestly, what does making her wait a week accomplish? Is it so her 'desire' for me will increase because I'm keeping her from what she wants? Well, let me tell you, I want a girl to come back to me for who I am, not for what I can offer.

Well, there you go! I hope you enjoyed chuckling with this post as much as I enjoyed writing it! I'll see you as we approach Valentine's Day!

A Cop Pulled Me Over!?!

Helaman 9:34 - "And then shall ye say: Because of this fear and this paleness which has come upon your face, behold, we know that thou art guilty."

My friends and I were driving to Vegas for the weekend.

"Man, you're going pretty fast," one of my friends said.

I scoffed. "I could go faster. Besides, we're making great time!"

"Aren't you worried about cops?"

I shook my head. "Naw, I'll be fine. Speeding laws are just to protect other drivers, and there's no one else on the road!"

Turns out, going sixteen over is not justified by empty roads.

Yeah, the ticket is a serious financial blow for me right now, but it wasn't all bad. The officer was very respectful and even kind, building my faith in local law enforcement. My friends thought it was hilarious, and the experience gave us much to laugh about. I learned I shouldn't push my luck by speeding, and I even got a blog post out of it.

Yeah, sometimes bad things happen to me. However, when I look at things from the right angle with the right attitude, I turn annoyances and inconveniences into beauty in my eye.

I know anyone can do the same.

I GOT A FACIAL!!

Romans 5:4 - "And patience, experience; and experience, hope ..."

A few weeks ago, select members of my family were visiting my sister and in-law's house. My sister decided we should all get homegrown facials.

I didn't want to get a facial, but I figured I could at least tell people one day that, yes, I did have that sort of experience. Now go away.

So I put some sort of foreign stinging cream on my face and waited for it to harden. Then, after I couldn't take it anymore, I grabbed an edge and peeled it off.

It was just bizarre, I will forever have a hard time describing what that felt like.

So, what did I learn?

First, I learned I don't really mind facials, but I'd rather not have another one anytime soon.

Second, I learned that now I can at least tell people that I had one, which will prompt much conversation and mirth.

Third, I learned that you really can't know what something's like until you try it.

So, for all of you plebeians wondering what a facial is really like, I highly recommend you at least give it a shot. I can't really tell you what it's like otherwise.

I Got a Haircut!

3 Nephi 4:33 - "And their hearts were swollen with joy, unto the gushing out of many tears, because of the great goodness of God ..."

Once upon a time, I was getting shaggy. I mentioned this to my friends.

"Oh!" one said. "I want to cut your hair!"

"Cool," I said. "That will save me five bucks. Have you ever cut hair before?"

"No." 

"Do you have a kit?"

"No."

I thought about that. 

The 4 for $4 deal at Wendy's called to me.

"All right, let's do this!" I said.

Obligatory before picture.

Obligatory after picture.

So we found a kit, and she got to work. The end result actually turned out pretty well!

I learned several things from the experience. For one thing, there's nothing like a potential total disaster to bring people closer together. We Core Four were all nervous about how things were going to turn out, especially our budding hairdresser herself. The relief that followed our combined anxiety has allowed us to have a rollicking time remembering the experience in the weeks that have followed.

For another thing, I had a blast putting my head into somebody else's hands and waiting to see what happened next. There was something liberating about removing my responsibility for the near future, and I imagine those same feelings could be replicated by doing other things as well. After all, the world is big. I've never tried things like sky falling or BASE jumping or mountain climbing or scuba diving. Why not let an expert show me the ropes?

I think the main point is, we humans are programmed to find risky situations exciting. I found something as simple as getting a haircut from a novice thrilling. Imagine how thrilling life could be if we stepped out of our comfort zone more often.

And you don't even have to do something big to do that.

I Sold My Smart Phone and Laptop?!?

Jeremiah 28:4 - "... for I will break the yoke of the king of Babylon."

My phone had three notifications from Twitter, thirty-seven new unread emails, and a couple of bloops from Facebook. My YouTube and Chrome apps were literally right next to each other, meaning that I could watch a video or read an article whenever I had more than five seconds of downtime. Netflix and Amazon beckoned me from my laptop, encouraging me to leave my priorities behind.

I was tired of it.

So I sold my laptop, deactivated my smart phone, and got some new toys instead.

I've been operating without my own operating system for several weeks now. If I want to listen to music, I use my mp3 player to listen to music (Remember the post from yesterday? Now you know why I started buying my own music. Be sure to let me know via the poll if you buy music). I keep my calendar in a paper planner. I use my 'dumb' phone strictly to text and answer calls. I do all my writing from my personal electronic typewriter.

And life has been great because of it.

When I find myself with downtime, I don't just mindlessly flip through social media. Instead, I read a book, or pursue other endeavors. When I do use a computer, it's at the library, where the environment itself demands I stay at least somewhat focused. I can check social media infrequently, making sure it doesn't consume my time.

I'm not saying this is the new best thing for everyone. But I do firmly believe that this has helped me find myself again. Without being constantly shackled to media, I am free to be me.

Be sure to let me know if you give this lifestyle a chance in the comments!

I Did Not Make Out on Squaw Peak

Psalms 23:4 - "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death ..."

As is common among many people, I got into a funk a bit ago. So, in order to combat this feeling, I took a drive up the canyon.

Now, I'd heard of 'Squaw Peak' before. I'd heard what people had said about this particular overlook, that students and lovers usually went to Squaw Peak chiefly to make out. I'd heard enough about this place to make the decision never to take a girl there because then she'd think she knew what was coming.

But, I'd never been there myself. I didn't even know where it was.

This time, I drove up the canyon and spotted the sign marking the dusty old road leading up to this local legend. I figured I'd see what the fuss was all about and turned off the main road.

The drive up to the overlook was twisted, windy, and long. I drove for nearly half an hour, just waiting, expecting the next curve to reveal my final destination, but it was long in coming. On and on and on I drove, just enjoying the warmth of the sun and the coolness of the air and the silence of a trundling car engine in the middle of nature.

And then, finally, I made it.

And I didn't understand.

Why would anyone want to make out up here?

The view was spectacular. It stretched for miles and miles. I could see landmarks I recognized, roads I often traveled, places I didn't even know existed. I sat on the edge and just stared off into the distance, trying to piece together how small I really was, how insignificant my life was compared to the teeming valley that seemed but a hand away. 

I was awestruck.

I couldn't believe I'd never been here before.

I eventually tore myself away and trundled back down the mountain, just thinking. I wondered how many couples had missed the sight in favor of a few minutes of pleasure. I wondered how many sights I'd missed as I wandered down in the valley below, only able to see right in front of me. How many things had I missed on the other sides of walls, of trees, of my own problems?

I didn't know.

But I decided I wanted to keep my head up more often.

And that was enough.

VLOG NOT BLOG?!?

Genesis 1:31 - "And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good ..."

I didn't really want to try something new today, but, as the video explains, circumstances demanded otherwise, and I think it turned out all right. Rather than write out my thoughts from yesterday, here's me talking about them! Let me know what you think of the format in the comments below!

Don't mind this image placeholder. Don't mind it at all.