It's about time for me to get over myself and take a plunge. It's time to conquer this next hurdle my weakness has placed in my way. It's time to devote more of my time to my personal pursuits. It's time to really take the things I learned on my mission and apply them one hundred percent. I've been shying away from it all too long, I guess. Perhaps I was fearful that, for the first time, my pursuits will not be aided by my setting apart, nor by the prayers of millions of people. Perhaps I was scared of moving without directly engaging in the work of God. I think I've always been frustrated how I, as an individual, accomplish so little in the grand scheme of things.
It was the long car ride I had yesterday that really got me thinking about all this. A brother from the ward asked me to substitute for his paper route while he's off on vacation over the next couple of weeks, and so drove me around yesterday to show me the route. I was remarkably exhausted, and unfortunately proving to be an insufficient conversationalist as my heavy eyelids threatened to close for the rest of the ride. The good brother, being the kind man he is, never commented on my near incoherency, and simply told me stories from his life as we meandered through the back roads of Washougal.
As I listened, I learned a lot about this good man. He was very successful in his career, but after he was forced to retire early, things didn't turn out the way he'd planned. He, too, served a mission. He, too, is active in my faith. Despite some of his minor setbacks, he is a remarkably jolly guy, beaming with an irrepressible optimism. Without intending to, his stories placed me on a train of thought following a deliberate set of tracks the rest of the day. He reminded me that success, in any field or measure, does not dictate my own happiness. I dictate my own happiness, through my thoughts, through my actions. I don't need to fear, even if I'm not wearing that black tag. The trust I've developed still remains.
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