So, my Transatlantic Literay History class lasts for two hours every other day. This class has many pros and cons, the first of the latter being that you have to sit there for two hours straight. A pro is that it's for my major. A con is that this class is making me seriously reconsider my choice of major. A pro is that at least I'll know for what I'm not cut out. A con is that I may have to start all over on a different major.
GETTING TO KNOW YOURSELF IS FUN.
Anyway, yesterday, I had breakfast a good three hours before this here class of mine, eating only a few bowls of cereal and a banana. I didn't think too much of it until our professors allowed us our usual three-minute break sometimes in the middle of class. As I walked out to stretch my legs, I could feel something rumblin' in my tumblin'.
Oh snap, I thought. The last time I'd felt that way, I'd had a low blood sugar reaction, ended up sweating all over my good suit and a few innocent by-standers, and gorged myself for the rest of the day with no signs of stopping.
If I just went and bought a bag of chips, it would tide myself over.
Eh, I can wait an hour.
The classroom discussion dragged me back into the twin topics of historical context and poetry, which I have identified as being the main reasons why I don't like this class right now (More on that later this week, probably). I was very fidgety. Not only was my body flashing warning signs that I needed food, and soon, I wanted to get to the part of the discussion where we talked about Nathaniel Hawthorne and his writings, his pieces being the only things that had at all captured me during the in-class readings.
But then, I felt it.
Like greasy slugs sliding out of a series of sewer pipes, my sweat glands began to expand, slowly allowing oozing beads of salty body water to creep onto my unprotected flesh. My stomach began to howl as these slugs dampened my armpits, releasing a distinct scent of man-musk into the air that permeated the air around me. Gasping, I felt my attention, divided though it had already been, devolve into a primal animal with naught but one word on the mind.
Food.
FOOD.
FOOD.
I leapt over my classmates and bolted out of the room, leaving all my possessions behind.
Like a ravenous giraffe, I stormed across campus, only moving barely fast enough to keep me from exerting any more energy than I needed to lest I expend too much and collapse before the end. Thankfully, there were few other animals in the Subway Forest, so I was able to quickly grab a six-inch. And a bag of chips. And a cookie. And a red creme soda. Before heading back to class.
By the time I arrived back at class, the very worst possible thing had occurred.
They'd discussed Nathaniel Hawthorne without me.
Okay, so this comment comes way late, but I was waylaid when I first read this. This was one of my favorite posts. I don't often laugh out loud, even when it seems the thing to do based on the outbursts of other people around me enjoying the same stimulus. What can I say? In most situation, I'm a smiler, or at best a chuckler. But this post did me in. I not only laughed out loud, I had to read it out loud to my companion. We both could identify with the low-blood-sugar thing, so that was a start. We were scandalized by the slug metaphor even as we reluctantly identified with the imagery. But the imagery of the ravenous giraffe loping across campus is what did us in. (That still cracks me up! Who on earth would choose a giraffe when trying to describe something ravenous? The unexpected ridiculousness of it is brilliant! And imagining this poor, energy-starved, lanky creature, and in my mind, wearing a desperate expression, bolt across campus sees worthy of a PIXAR adaptation!) Anyway, all fun aside, your conclusion was perhaps your very best yet. I appreciated the irony and felt your disappointment. Six months or a year from now, you MUST repost this as one of your Throwback Thursday picks. It's worth repeating - over and over again.
ReplyDeleteYour desire for this to be a Throwback Thursday is duly noted. ;) Thanks again for your wonderful comments! They make my day shine!
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