What's YOUR Love Language? - Thinkjoust Tuesday #58

I made an active decision last year to not write this sort of thinkjoust. After all, everyone talks about this stuff, right?

Then I remembered that the world doesn't revolve around me or my group of friends. "Huh," I thought. "Maybe other people will appreciate this sort of post!" So here it is.

Love languages are the ways individuals with different personalities express their appreciation for the people around them. Not everyone offers or responds to acts of love in the same way, and sometimes, this can cause friction and tension between two individuals who otherwise love each other very much.

Just as an example, I had a friend who loved to do things for me. He'd make my bed, make me breakfast, and even do my dishes. Rather than be thankful for his acts of service, I felt somewhat irritated. After all, he was giving his time and effort on things I could do for myself, and I felt extremely lazy and unproductive around him. I told him I was feeling guilty, and he just laughed me off.

At the same time, he felt unappreciated by me because I wasn't expressing love in the ways he did. I wasn't about to do his dishes, but I loved to hug him and offer him compliments.

The thing was, neither of us really felt appreciated by the other person because we were expressing love in ways that the other person didn't respond to well. The thing was, we were both expressing love, and that is the most important part.

Once we learn how other people express love, we can learn to respond to them in kind. For example, once my friend and I realized we were just having a love language disconnect, we worked at serving/complimenting each other, respectively (he still wasn't super into hugs, but I give them out like candy, so it balanced out).

Anyway, the point is, if you don't know your love languages, why not find them out?

I recommend this link here, which takes you to a test that analyzes your love language profile. Give it a shot, and then post your results in the comments! I'll be sure to be back this Saturday to talk about your results and what it means for the future of Change and Cherish.

See you then!

How to Compliment Your Crush - Response Saturday #26

This past Tuesday, I posed the question, "How do you Compliment your Crush?"

I got a whole heap of responses!

Everything y'all said fascinated me.

Obviously, I think some of you responded with tongue firmly in cheek, but the variety of the responses were nonetheless revealing. As far as I can tell, there really isn't a right way or a wrong way to compliment someone. You could go with articles of clothing, or you could refrain from mentioning clothing at all. You could be extremely passive and avoid the situation altogether, or you could make sure they won't forget you by doing something outlandish.

I think, when it comes to compliments, you need to work with what works best for you. If a compliment doesn't go over well, then maybe that person doesn't like your style, and that may indicate you guys aren't a great fit. Or it may indicate your crush isn't a 'Words of Affirmation' kind of person. If you don't know what that means, I would recommend checking this out.

As for me, I only really have two rules. First, I never say 'today' in any of my comments. "You look nice" could refer to always. "You look nice today" might suggest that they look like garbage every other day. In addition, I try to focus on things the other person can control. If I say, "Your face is well-constructed and symmetrical," well, that compliments them less than their genes. But if I say, "I really love your thoughts on the political situation in the Middle East," well, that shows them you care for more than their body and you're a great listener!

So now that you're all ready to compliment your crush, let's see how you do!

You walk up to your crush, swaggering with confidence. 

"Oh hi! Your shoes are gross. I mean nice tasty. Uh, today is what I said. Trying to say. I mean, let's fight? You're stupid."

Welp, there you go, running off into the sunset. Better luck next time, I guess.

America is Tolerant? Accepting? Open-Minded? My Fanny. - Thursday Thought #12

Sometimes, I truly believe America is trying to be more accepting. I really do. I see social justice making great strides toward equality for all demographics. I see people growing more willing to discuss these issues on a large scale. I realize and accept that a lot of people oppose this sort of open love for others, but the fact that there's a discussion at all demonstrates that American has made a lot of progress.

But then junk like this happens.

Article Link

Yes, seriously, Asian kid in the advertisement on the right of the screenshot. Seriously.

Y'all should know by now I don't have much love for the Republican party (or any political parties, for that matter). I am definitely not a supporter of Donald Trump, and I'm aware of the allusions his own supporters make comparing the presidential candidate with Hitler.

At the same time, can we cut this woman some slack?

When I watch the video, I just can't help but feel like the gesture was completely innocuous. I've offered lazy waves before, merely raising my hand at a roommate as they're walking out the door. I'm sure, out of context, my lazy waving could look like a Nazi salute. At the same time, I'm not being filmed. No one has the opportunity to screenshot me and present me in the compromising situations.

So many people are so quick to jump on any opportunity to embarrass or ridicule individuals for simple mistakes, especially when they're being brave and putting themselves out there. I'm sure you've seen countless examples out there. I've seen examples from the comments section on this very blog.

A similar thing happened to Jeb Bush. If the man had ended his speech with a phrase like, "Thank you," nobody would have batted an eye. His awkward choice of words led to a wave of mockery.

And who remembers the infamous 'Dean Scream'? Taken in context, the scream fits in with the speech. It isn't at all awkward. But then people jumped at the chance to ridicule and mock him for it, taking it out of context and presenting him like he was a buffoon.

In my limited experience, I have learned that many people believe in the adage, "A good defense is a good offense." Rather than focus on their own mistakes and shortcomings, they attack others as a way to deflect attention from themselves. If everyone's laughing at the kid who got tripped and spilled milk all over himself, nobody's noticing the bully with severe daddy issues.

So my message today is simple. Let's stop immortalizing people's mistakes, especially when they're entirely innocent. If there's doubt, never ascribe malice to an action when it could easily be ascribed to stupidity.

American may have gain respect for groups, but we still have a long way to go in our respect for individuals.

How Do You Compliment Your Crush? - Thinkjoust Tuesday #57

One of the best ways to indicate your interest in your crush is to compliment them somehow. Of course, attempting such an act can sometimes lead to disaster. You know what this is like.

Your crush unexpectedly walks into the room and turns you into a mumbling, blathering fool. "Hi there!" you shriek. "I am person!"

Your crush gives you a worried look. "Yes," they say. "Yes you are."

Oh, snap! you think. I'm making an idiot of myself in front of Gorgeous McHotface! Searching for inspiration to recover, you glance around the room and see a couch, a DVD of The Princess Bride, and your half-eaten lunch. Perfect, you think. I'll see if Gorgeous wants to watch a movie.

"Couch Bride ate my lunch!" you say. "Punch princess for revenge?"

Your crush backs away slowly.

Aaarrrgh! you scream inside your head. Stupid! Stupid! Ok, just compliment them! One compliment can smooth this whole debacle over!

Even setting this obviously ridiculous scenario aside, how do you compliment your crushes? Is there a specific method that works for you, or do you just go with what feels right in the moment?

Let me know in the comments, and I'll discuss my own patented complimenting techniques this Saturday!

Suicide Threat: How Will You Respond? - Response Saturday #25

Last Tuesday, I posed a hypothetical situation.

Let's say you're walking down the street and you see someone about to jump off a bridge, obviously about to kill themselves. How are you supposed to respond?

When I was a Resident Assistant over a hall of freshmen during my Sophomore year of college, I was trained in methods of suicide prevention, though I admit my knowledge is considerably rusty now. My recent research has helped remind me some of the important steps.

#1 - Get help.

Call the authorities immediately. They know what to do. Once you know help/back-up is on the way, approach the individual.

#2 - Keep them talking.

Individuals who are considering suicide generally feel isolated and alone. Showing a genuine interest in them will help them open up, and most individuals contemplating suicide will confess if asked a direct question.

If you're not sure your man on a ledge is suicidal or playing Pokemon Go (or even innocently both), engage in a conversation with them. You might say, "Nice day we're having!" or "How are you doing?" Odds are, they won't respond with cheerfulness, and may even say exactly what's bothering them. If you feel their mood is, indeed, depressed, ask them the question and see how they respond.

#3 - Try to understand them.

If the suffering individual hasn't explained why they're suicidal, ask them to. It could be a broken relationship, or job, or a combination of things. For whatever reason, the individual is hurting, and they won't want you to try and fix the problem. If you just ask questions and listen to what they say, you may be able to gain some valuable insights into who they are.

#4 - Help them see they need help.

This is the tricky part. They may say they don't want help even when they're just testing to see how much you actually want to help and if you'll give up on them. They may genuinely resent you for meddling in their life, and rebuff any of your pleas to find someone more educated and qualified than you in this sort of situation. If they respond negatively to your suggestion, back off and continue to keep them talking. The longer you do, the easier it will be for the authorities to respond in time.

#5 - Your mileage may vary.

I don't wish anyone, myself included, to have to work as a mediator between someone and their own death. However, I still think having some sort of plan in place to deal with these situations will help in the long run.

Of course, when it comes to extreme emotions--you know, the type that prompts people to commit suicide--there are no textbooks. Everyone is going to react and respond to situations differently, and that includes people trying to talk them down from a deadly bridge-jumping experience. In the end, you may have to go with your gut. And speaking of mileage ...

#6 - Pray

If you're a religious person (and most of you who read this blog are), invoke the power of heaven to help you. You may not know what to do and what to say, but if you remember the Lord, he will remember you.

I know every member of my own family has had experiences dealing with persons pondering suicide, while I, myself, am the least experienced of the bunch. Regardless, because of this, I know how important it is to prepare for anything. I wouldn't say I've ever saved someone's life, but I have managed to get individuals to the help they needed because of the preparations I've received--even if I've had to remind myself of that training over this past week.

I'm not an expert, but even if I'm way off base, I have a plan because I want to be able to help.

Thanks for reading.

Why We Need a Third Party Candidate - Thursday Thought #11

I hope my poorly-drawn political cartoon raises the point that a table cannot stand on two legs. If a two-legged table tried to lift any sort of political balance, well, it would fail.

This is why I firmly believe that America needs greater representation from a third party. Even if the major political parties can't agree on many things, they can agree that a third party threatens them both. Members of these parties often claim that if you vote for a third party, you're throwing away your vote.

Of course, that myth only serves to hold people's heads down. If voters feel like voting for a third party is useless, then they won't even try, instead casting their vote for a presidential candidate they might not even like because it's a 'safer bet.'

But that reasoning is flawed. Let me tell you about the Monty Hall problem.

You can read more about it here, but, in essence, the Monty Hall problem places you in front of three doors. A host explains that a prize lies behind each door. Two of the doors contain goats, while the last has a brand new car. The host invites you to pick a door, which you do. He then opens one of the two other doors, revealing a goat inside. You are then invited to either stick your with original pick, or open the third, unopened door. Whichever of the last two doors you open, you get to keep.

Let's get to the point. Let's say your host opens the door to reveal the first goat. Now, goats are pretty nice, and you may even prefer to take a goat home. But if you really like goats all that much, you could sell the brand new car and buy even more goats. The point is, the car is Monty Hall's best deal.

Would you really be satisfied with just taking the first goat (or even the second goat) knowing you could have won a car?

So it goes with politics. Many people genuinely believe in and admire their political parties, and I respect that. At the same time, many individuals vote for politicians just because they're there, because they're flapping their mouths on the news and have their names in headlines. And anyone can have their name in a headlines.

So what can you do?

As for me, I went onto isidewith.com and took their quiz.

I found out where I stood in politics.

I discovered which presidential candidate I most matched with.

The fact that I found a third party candidate so appealing was convenient, but unsurprising given my disdain for the top party's current nominees.

But see, it didn't really matter. When isidewith.com pointed me to Better For America, I devoured their content with eagerness.

Better For America is a movement dedicated to ensuring that a third party candidate gets coverage in this upcoming election. Better For America is trying to build a table that can stand on its own, not wobble on two legs.

I signed the heck up.

I invite you to do the same.

Talk Someone Down from Suicide - Thinkjoust Tuesday #56

Spoiler alert: I take pride in my words.

I have struggled for years to improve my way with words, both written and oral. I have studied thesauri for fun. I write six days a week. I analyze rhetoric and apply good techniques into my own. I even presume to smith my own words.

The thing is, with all my knowledge of words, I still find myself in situations where I just don't know what to say.

I couldn't imagine trying to talk someone down from a ledge. I wouldn't know what to do if someone approached me and confessed they were thinking of taking their own life. I would do my best to say things from the heart, but phrases like, "Things will turn out fine if you just hold on," and "I know how you feel," will be inadequate at best and downright insulting at worst. I've never personally encountered suicidal thoughts.

This week, I invite you all in join me in my attempts to improve my abilities with language.

Let's throw out a hypothetical situation. You're walking across a bridge when you notice a stranger obviously contemplating jumping off. What do you say to this person?

As for me, I think I would try to get a bit philosophical. I would tell the person to stop, obviously, and also tell them that every life if precious. This person has the capacity to bring a smile to someone's face, even if they don't believe it. I would tell the stranger on the ledge about me. Not necessarily my trials, but who I am and why I've come to believe such things. Most importantly, I'd do everything I could to keep them engaged in conversation long enough for more experienced help to arrive.

I don't know how I did, so I'm going to take this next week to study what experts say about proper talking-down techniques. Be sure to comment either below or on social media what you would say, and then come back this Saturday to see how you did.