How Do You Apologize? - Thinkjoust Tuesday #59

Last week, we talked all about the five love languages. Let's keep going!

So now we know that there are different ways to express love. I would go so far as to say that there are also different ways to apologize.

For example, I am someone who easily gives and easily accepts verbal apologies. If you seem sincere, I'll probably forgive you for anything.* At the same time, in order to make up for my particularly egregious errors, I might also try to offer the affected party some service (like cleaning something for them) or give them a gift (probably a meal).

In essence, my apologies have connections to my three weakest love languages (words of affirmation, service, and gifts). My theory is that I subconsciously think my apologies are more effective when I'm doing something for the other person that I don't typically like to do.

Does this extend to everyone?

So how about you? Do you apologize with your top love language, or do you tend to apologize using languages you're not as strong in? Be sure to leave your comments, and I'll respond to them this Saturday!

*And you'll get bonus points if you apologize for something I didn't even bring up.

Suicide Threat: How Will You Respond? - Response Saturday #25

Last Tuesday, I posed a hypothetical situation.

Let's say you're walking down the street and you see someone about to jump off a bridge, obviously about to kill themselves. How are you supposed to respond?

When I was a Resident Assistant over a hall of freshmen during my Sophomore year of college, I was trained in methods of suicide prevention, though I admit my knowledge is considerably rusty now. My recent research has helped remind me some of the important steps.

#1 - Get help.

Call the authorities immediately. They know what to do. Once you know help/back-up is on the way, approach the individual.

#2 - Keep them talking.

Individuals who are considering suicide generally feel isolated and alone. Showing a genuine interest in them will help them open up, and most individuals contemplating suicide will confess if asked a direct question.

If you're not sure your man on a ledge is suicidal or playing Pokemon Go (or even innocently both), engage in a conversation with them. You might say, "Nice day we're having!" or "How are you doing?" Odds are, they won't respond with cheerfulness, and may even say exactly what's bothering them. If you feel their mood is, indeed, depressed, ask them the question and see how they respond.

#3 - Try to understand them.

If the suffering individual hasn't explained why they're suicidal, ask them to. It could be a broken relationship, or job, or a combination of things. For whatever reason, the individual is hurting, and they won't want you to try and fix the problem. If you just ask questions and listen to what they say, you may be able to gain some valuable insights into who they are.

#4 - Help them see they need help.

This is the tricky part. They may say they don't want help even when they're just testing to see how much you actually want to help and if you'll give up on them. They may genuinely resent you for meddling in their life, and rebuff any of your pleas to find someone more educated and qualified than you in this sort of situation. If they respond negatively to your suggestion, back off and continue to keep them talking. The longer you do, the easier it will be for the authorities to respond in time.

#5 - Your mileage may vary.

I don't wish anyone, myself included, to have to work as a mediator between someone and their own death. However, I still think having some sort of plan in place to deal with these situations will help in the long run.

Of course, when it comes to extreme emotions--you know, the type that prompts people to commit suicide--there are no textbooks. Everyone is going to react and respond to situations differently, and that includes people trying to talk them down from a deadly bridge-jumping experience. In the end, you may have to go with your gut. And speaking of mileage ...

#6 - Pray

If you're a religious person (and most of you who read this blog are), invoke the power of heaven to help you. You may not know what to do and what to say, but if you remember the Lord, he will remember you.

I know every member of my own family has had experiences dealing with persons pondering suicide, while I, myself, am the least experienced of the bunch. Regardless, because of this, I know how important it is to prepare for anything. I wouldn't say I've ever saved someone's life, but I have managed to get individuals to the help they needed because of the preparations I've received--even if I've had to remind myself of that training over this past week.

I'm not an expert, but even if I'm way off base, I have a plan because I want to be able to help.

Thanks for reading.

Slavery and Sex Trafficking - Thursday Thought #8

I often hear people say, "Slavery ended when Abraham Lincoln passed the Emancipation Proclamation." The thing is, slavery didn't die. It went into hiding.

Even today, slavers and the slave trade exist. Hundreds of individuals are ripped from home and family (or even sold from home and family) and turned into the playthings of unscrupulous men and women. The victims of these tragedies are often children.

I have recently grown more aware of this issue thanks to the research others have taken upon themselves and then sent to me. As I've worked to educate myself regarding this issue, I have decided that not speaking up about it would be cause for condemnation.

And so, I share this message with you.

I first began my studies by listening to this podcast.

Interview with Tim Ballard of OURrescue.org

I know it's twenty minutes long, but at least listen to the first three minutes of it. If you're utterly bored at that point, I give you permission to stop.

Then I visited ourrescue.org.

Operation Underground Railroad

I especially researched the 'Join the Fight' section.

Operation Underground Railroad: Join the Fight

And as I worked on this very post, I discovered this campaign.

Thunderclap: Turn Social Blue for Freedom

My challenge today is simple: join the fight.

As for me, I jumped on that Thunderclap and donated ten dollars right from the O.U.R. website. I invite everyone to find whatever way works best for you to help and then do it.

As the hymn goes, I personally want to do more than dream of my mansions above.

#EngineForGabriel - What You Need to Know

"Ok, I'll bite," you say. "What is #EngineForGabriel?"

The best way to introduce this is to show you the YouTube video that inspired me to write this post in the first place. So here it is!

"Cool, Zac," you may say to me. "Why do you even care?"

It's a good question. Obviously I do for some reason.

Gabriel has a dream. I may bash the idealistic notion of following your dreams, but that doesn't mean I'm not a dreamer myself. I'm trying to self-publish a book on Kindle Direct, for crying out loud. If that doesn't scream 'dream-chaser,' I don't know what does.

But let's say Gabriel makes it into the air using this engine of his. That is inspiring. That is legendary. That will challenge the perspectives of all realists everywhere, including myself. Dreams can happen. Dreams can come true.

So I want you to consider your life. Have you ever had a dream that seemed unattainable? A dream requiring mountains of obstacles to overcome? Are you chasing one of those dreams right now?

Well, for all the dreamers out there, support #EngineForGabriel. Let's make a man fly, and in doing so, inspire contemporaries and generations to come.

Unfortunately, Ylvis' rabid fans got there more quickly than I could. I couldn't find too much information on updates, but here's what I found.

So we can't donate to help out now. However, click here to visit engineforgabriel.com. And even though you can't help out, be sure to follow the story and see Gabriel make his first flight!

Make dreams happen.

V-Day Week 2016: A Love Letter to Love (Poem)

Let's stop and pretend for a moment today.

If Love were a person, this is what I'd say.

Love! You're a person now? Well, whoop-de-doo

because I despise you. I really, really do.

My hate spilleth over, an overflowing cup

And I'll tell you why. Take a seat, listen up.

I am tired of the way you always lead me on.

You show me the world, and then it's all gone.

You tell me, "Don't worry, I'll find you someone better."

But that's not keeping my eyes from getting wetter.

You promise me another chance, you promise me a change,

you hand me cupid's arrow, place new targets on the range,

but no matter how well or precise I aim,

I miss all my shots, giving others the gain.

"You lose potentials fast!" you go ahead and say.

"Better luck next time, come back another day."

You know me by now, I've heard it all,

name me a duck, "Forever Alone" is my call.

No matter how many times I release my string,

when it comes to being single, I am the king.

You see what you do, Love? I am filled, prefire,

because you taunt me with unfulfilled desires.

I hate you, I want you to die, you're scum.

Sometimes I want you to go back where you're from!

But wait. Hold on. I didn't mean to yell.

Hear a few more things that I still need to tell.

I may hate you, Love, but I love you, too.

Let me tell you all about the good things you do.

You gave me warm hugs from my father and mom

during stormy days as we waited for calm.

You gave me siblings, who taught me some stuff

like when to be gentle, and when to be rough.

You gave me friends who always have my back

who defend me from sadness, pain, and attack.

You gave me strangers, who didn't care where I'd been,

who gave me a home when I asked for an Inn.

You taught me how to use you in kind

to release darkened shadows from my loved ones' minds,

and when all hope was lost from my eyes,

and I pierced the heavens with pleading cries,

petitioning God to come into view,

he only needed to send me you.

Oh, Love, I'm so grateful you're a person now.

I've wanted to chat, and I didn't know how.

Tried my hardest to thank you, by living with this power:

Give love to everyone, each and every hour.

If Love were a person, this is what I'd say.

But love isn't a person. So love someone today.

Finding Purpose at a Food Bank

1 Corinthians 13:13 - "And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity."

I often feel like my life doesn't have enough purpose. I work so hard on things for me, I often forget to reach out to others.

A few weeks ago, my FHE family reminded me why I feel a need to reach out at all.

We couldn't all be there, but a small minority of our family members drove on over to the local food bank to volunteer for a few hours. It's a great place to volunteer at, by the way, so if you're living in the Provo area, I recommend giving them a visit sometimes. Check them out at Community Action Services.

I wasn't really sure what to expect upon our arrival, but I was very impressed by just how much food people had been donating. Being a struggling student makes it hard for me to find anything to donate, but I realized that every little bit must count. If every college student in Provo donated a can every week, I bet the food bank would have even more food.

As it was, families and individuals had been donating enough cans to give us volunteers something to do for several hours. I bet we could have worked for several more hours had the woman in charge not needed to lock up for the night.

In we came, and at the boxes we got, sorting the cans into different categories like vegetables, fruits, meats, beans, and others. Our group was certainly the fastest, emptying our first unsorted box in record time before moving on to the rest. 

We did this for a couple of hours, churning out organization like an archivist close to retirement. Even then, we felt like our efforts were insufficient. After all, looking around told us there was so much more work left to do. In the end, we recognized we'd saved much time and effort for anyone else coming in behind us.

I felt good as we walked out. I know my pitiful efforts at the food bank barely put a dent into world poverty, or even local poverty as it stands. However, as I spent my free time ignoring homework and personal aspirations, I felt like I'd found a purpose, at least for a moment.

Why I think Prejudices Exist (A Visual Poem)

Budget vs. Charity

Proverbs 25:21 - "If thine enemy be hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he be thirsty, give him water to drink ..."

One of my friends was holding a birthday party at a roadhouse. I wanted to go! After all, who doesn't like good company and ambiance, amiright?

The problem was, I wasn't going for the food. You see, I didn't feel like I could afford it.

See, I'd recently gotten a ticket (click here to read that story), and I was looking to buy Christmas presents, and I just don't budget well sometimes. When I'm considering things like that, I balk at spending ten dollars on a meal when a thirty cent thing of ramen goes just as far. I do love ritzier restaurants, especially roadhouses, but I was feeling thrifty that day.

So, when I arrived, I'd already decided that I was only going to buy a soft drink with free refills. I was relieved when I found out the restaurant offered complimentary peanuts as well. Feeling armed, I sipped and crunched and sipped and crunched all the way through dinner. I didn't have to go all fancy with my order. And I had a blast. The party was fun, and I appreciated spending time with the people I love, as always.

But that was the other cool thing.

You see, when my friends realized I hadn't ordered anything, they waited until they were full, and then started offering me their leftovers. I was already pretty stuffed on peanuts and soda as it was, but their acts of kindness touched me, truly. After all, they were basically throwing leftover dollars at me, food they could have saved for their own flagging budgets.

I'd love to be an author with millions of dollars, but I don't want wealth to improve my own style of living. I want wealth to help ease the burdens of those around me. After all, I've seen my own burdens eased time and time again, even in a roadhouse on someone's birthday.