How to Find Happiness - Thursday Thought #14

You know, I don't think my life is all that grand. I have to live with trials and, most unbearable, my mistakes. At the same time, I consider myself a happy person.

"WHAT?!?" you say. "IMPOSSIBLE!"

No, really. Let me explain.

Millions of voices try every day to bring outsiders to their way of thinking. Religions clash over doctrines and lifestyles. Political parties tear each other down. Even athletes tug on the arms of those living the sedentary lifestyle. Everyone wants everyone to know that the way they live is the best, the ultimate, the pathway most likely to lead to happiness.

Then there's you. (Ok, maybe it's just me). I don't always know the happiest path to take, and as such, engage in frequent trial and error. Sometimes, I find something that makes me genuinely happy. Other times, I really regret my experimentation.

The thing is, I think that's how anyone finds out what makes them happy. People join groups and engage in certain lifestyles because that is the best of what they've discovered up to that point. People keep what matters to them in their life, and discard the things they decide don't matter.

There comes a point in everyone's life where something they originally thought sweet turns sour. An example of this includes moments when individuals remove TV or their smart phones from their lives in favor of simpler, less obtrusive activities and tools. In the same way, happy people do the same, taking time to evaluate what aspects of their lives make them happy, and what aspects of their lives keep them from being as such.

So, in summary, a happy person is someone who constantly determines what is best for them and then brings more of that into their lives, while removing the things that prove a hindrance to their happiness, even if it's a train of thought, a mindset, or a personality trait.

I'm still trying to figure out what makes me happy, but I do know that I've seen the happiness in my life grow as I hold on to the things that truly make me happy, and then shun the rest.

How Do You Apologize? - Thinkjoust Tuesday #59

Last week, we talked all about the five love languages. Let's keep going!

So now we know that there are different ways to express love. I would go so far as to say that there are also different ways to apologize.

For example, I am someone who easily gives and easily accepts verbal apologies. If you seem sincere, I'll probably forgive you for anything.* At the same time, in order to make up for my particularly egregious errors, I might also try to offer the affected party some service (like cleaning something for them) or give them a gift (probably a meal).

In essence, my apologies have connections to my three weakest love languages (words of affirmation, service, and gifts). My theory is that I subconsciously think my apologies are more effective when I'm doing something for the other person that I don't typically like to do.

Does this extend to everyone?

So how about you? Do you apologize with your top love language, or do you tend to apologize using languages you're not as strong in? Be sure to leave your comments, and I'll respond to them this Saturday!

*And you'll get bonus points if you apologize for something I didn't even bring up.

Why Quality Time is the BEST Love Language - Response Saturday #27

Last Tuesday, I asked y'all to tell me your love language! This is what I got back!

So despite my best guesses, I guess the majority of people who commented on this last post are not words of affirmation types of people. Oh well! Maybe you reading my blog is a way of spending quality time with me, perhaps?

Either way, that didn't offer much in the way of stuff to talk about, so I guess I'd better take that quiz myself and let you know what I got. Give me just a minute! In the meantime, think about kittens or something.

...

AREN'T THEY ADORBS?

Anyway, my scores surprised me, but only a little.

See, I would have thought Words of Affirmation would have beat out Quality Time? But I guess not. I think I guessed wrong because when I'm with someone, and they compliment me it's a specific event I can pinpoint and recall and even quote. I must subconsciously enjoy the presence of others more than I consciously do.

When it came to the quiz itself, I felt like the beginning could have easily been manipulated. Since I was familiar with the love languages already, it wasn't too hard to guess which of the two choices would give me which love language. The longer the quiz went on, however, the harder it was to tell.

For example, I was surprised that I got a point in 'receiving gifts' at all, but I did remember which question gave me the one point. I was asked to choose between a.) someone going way out of their way to do something for me, or b.) giving me a small present on their way home. I definitely am not much for gifts, but if you're spending an inordinate amount of time on me (I consider time my most precious resource), then I'm going to feel super guilty and probably start itching (yes, literally). I'd much prefer a 'here you go' to a 'let me sacrifice five hours for you for no good reason!' 

Anyway, so I learned something about myself today! I hope you take the chance to learn something about yourself, too.

Why I'm Glad I'm Horrible - Thursday Thought #13

For a commentary on this header image, follow the asterisk.*

There is no one person more aware of my inadequacies than myself.

I could go into all the reasons why I'm the worst, why I hate many of the actions and choices I find myself making, but that's not the point of this post. Instead, I want to talk about why I'm glad I'm the worst.

I've imagined a world where I didn't make mistakes. I say everything right the first time. I know exactly what to do in every situation. I stick to my principles, living my beliefs exactly the way I think they should be lived. Nobody finds flaws in my lifestyle.

The thing is, such a world would never encourage me to improve myself.

In the world we live in now, I make the same mistakes over and over again and then recognize I have things I need to work on. Because of this, I'm more forgiving of my fellows and their mistakes. My own pride is kept to a minimum. And if I wasn't prone to error, then I would never find reason to turn to God and keep Him in my life.

If I somehow remained at a peak internal strength my entire life, that alternate self might die a better person than I will at the rate I'm currently going. However, I will have learned how to deal with trial and heartache--even if those are mostly self-imposed--and will be able to claim I did my very best.

When I make a mistake, I remind myself of a better me.

*I have a hard time making these header images sometimes. For example, looked for visual references illustrating a 'mistake,' and the most common image seemed to revolve around blindfolded people accidentally walking off cliffs.I tried to capture this image, but found it impossible to draw a blindfold on a light bulb without it looking childish or stupid. So now I worry it looks like the light bulb is committing suicide, which was not my intention at all. By the time I worried the image would be misconstrued, I'd already spent far too much time on it. I hope the lackluster 'shrug' the light bulb offers helps add some clarification, but either way, it didn't mean to fall off the cliff! I swear!

What's YOUR Love Language? - Thinkjoust Tuesday #58

I made an active decision last year to not write this sort of thinkjoust. After all, everyone talks about this stuff, right?

Then I remembered that the world doesn't revolve around me or my group of friends. "Huh," I thought. "Maybe other people will appreciate this sort of post!" So here it is.

Love languages are the ways individuals with different personalities express their appreciation for the people around them. Not everyone offers or responds to acts of love in the same way, and sometimes, this can cause friction and tension between two individuals who otherwise love each other very much.

Just as an example, I had a friend who loved to do things for me. He'd make my bed, make me breakfast, and even do my dishes. Rather than be thankful for his acts of service, I felt somewhat irritated. After all, he was giving his time and effort on things I could do for myself, and I felt extremely lazy and unproductive around him. I told him I was feeling guilty, and he just laughed me off.

At the same time, he felt unappreciated by me because I wasn't expressing love in the ways he did. I wasn't about to do his dishes, but I loved to hug him and offer him compliments.

The thing was, neither of us really felt appreciated by the other person because we were expressing love in ways that the other person didn't respond to well. The thing was, we were both expressing love, and that is the most important part.

Once we learn how other people express love, we can learn to respond to them in kind. For example, once my friend and I realized we were just having a love language disconnect, we worked at serving/complimenting each other, respectively (he still wasn't super into hugs, but I give them out like candy, so it balanced out).

Anyway, the point is, if you don't know your love languages, why not find them out?

I recommend this link here, which takes you to a test that analyzes your love language profile. Give it a shot, and then post your results in the comments! I'll be sure to be back this Saturday to talk about your results and what it means for the future of Change and Cherish.

See you then!

How to Compliment Your Crush - Response Saturday #26

This past Tuesday, I posed the question, "How do you Compliment your Crush?"

I got a whole heap of responses!

Everything y'all said fascinated me.

Obviously, I think some of you responded with tongue firmly in cheek, but the variety of the responses were nonetheless revealing. As far as I can tell, there really isn't a right way or a wrong way to compliment someone. You could go with articles of clothing, or you could refrain from mentioning clothing at all. You could be extremely passive and avoid the situation altogether, or you could make sure they won't forget you by doing something outlandish.

I think, when it comes to compliments, you need to work with what works best for you. If a compliment doesn't go over well, then maybe that person doesn't like your style, and that may indicate you guys aren't a great fit. Or it may indicate your crush isn't a 'Words of Affirmation' kind of person. If you don't know what that means, I would recommend checking this out.

As for me, I only really have two rules. First, I never say 'today' in any of my comments. "You look nice" could refer to always. "You look nice today" might suggest that they look like garbage every other day. In addition, I try to focus on things the other person can control. If I say, "Your face is well-constructed and symmetrical," well, that compliments them less than their genes. But if I say, "I really love your thoughts on the political situation in the Middle East," well, that shows them you care for more than their body and you're a great listener!

So now that you're all ready to compliment your crush, let's see how you do!

You walk up to your crush, swaggering with confidence. 

"Oh hi! Your shoes are gross. I mean nice tasty. Uh, today is what I said. Trying to say. I mean, let's fight? You're stupid."

Welp, there you go, running off into the sunset. Better luck next time, I guess.

America is Tolerant? Accepting? Open-Minded? My Fanny. - Thursday Thought #12

Sometimes, I truly believe America is trying to be more accepting. I really do. I see social justice making great strides toward equality for all demographics. I see people growing more willing to discuss these issues on a large scale. I realize and accept that a lot of people oppose this sort of open love for others, but the fact that there's a discussion at all demonstrates that American has made a lot of progress.

But then junk like this happens.

Article Link

Yes, seriously, Asian kid in the advertisement on the right of the screenshot. Seriously.

Y'all should know by now I don't have much love for the Republican party (or any political parties, for that matter). I am definitely not a supporter of Donald Trump, and I'm aware of the allusions his own supporters make comparing the presidential candidate with Hitler.

At the same time, can we cut this woman some slack?

When I watch the video, I just can't help but feel like the gesture was completely innocuous. I've offered lazy waves before, merely raising my hand at a roommate as they're walking out the door. I'm sure, out of context, my lazy waving could look like a Nazi salute. At the same time, I'm not being filmed. No one has the opportunity to screenshot me and present me in the compromising situations.

So many people are so quick to jump on any opportunity to embarrass or ridicule individuals for simple mistakes, especially when they're being brave and putting themselves out there. I'm sure you've seen countless examples out there. I've seen examples from the comments section on this very blog.

A similar thing happened to Jeb Bush. If the man had ended his speech with a phrase like, "Thank you," nobody would have batted an eye. His awkward choice of words led to a wave of mockery.

And who remembers the infamous 'Dean Scream'? Taken in context, the scream fits in with the speech. It isn't at all awkward. But then people jumped at the chance to ridicule and mock him for it, taking it out of context and presenting him like he was a buffoon.

In my limited experience, I have learned that many people believe in the adage, "A good defense is a good offense." Rather than focus on their own mistakes and shortcomings, they attack others as a way to deflect attention from themselves. If everyone's laughing at the kid who got tripped and spilled milk all over himself, nobody's noticing the bully with severe daddy issues.

So my message today is simple. Let's stop immortalizing people's mistakes, especially when they're entirely innocent. If there's doubt, never ascribe malice to an action when it could easily be ascribed to stupidity.

American may have gain respect for groups, but we still have a long way to go in our respect for individuals.