Why Reading Minds is the Worst - Response Saturday #24

This post is a response to the question earlier this week. You can check it out at this link!

According to you guys, reading minds isn't worth it unless you're able to control when you can read them

Beyond that, it wasn't worth it.

I included the stipulation that you don't have control over when you read minds because every superpower has to have its drawbacks, and like Arm from Nancy Farmer's The Ear, the Eye, and the Arm, having the ability to read people's minds should be both a blessing and a curse.

If you think about it, all of our inborn abilities have pros and cons. You can pet a cat and pet a stove.You can listen to music, or get your drums blasted by a shrieking toddler. You can smell roses, and you can smell farts.  You can hold a baby or punch one in the face.

It's like Uncle Ben said. "With great power comes great responsibility." We owe every baby hugs and cuddles, not punches. Let's that responsibility well.

And considering that, I doubt I would well use the ability to read other people's minds. I can't tell you how many times I might have lifted someone's spirits and instead tore them down. My tongue may be used for compliments, but it has also been used as a weapon.

So let's say I can read someone's thoughts. How long would it take before I would be tempted to manipulate them? To lie to them? To learn something private for my own personal gain?

And I'd probably put myself into a compromising situation at some point. "Stacy's favorite color is orange!" I might say.

"I never told you that," Stacy says, her face turning a bright red.

"Uh ... I saw it on Facebook?"

"I've never told anyone on Facebook."

"Er ... I saw you tweet about it?"

Stacy bellows at me. "I've kept that secret for years, Zachary! Why did you have to go and reveal it? Now the witch's curse will no longer be held at bay! My face will melt, my bones will collapse, and I will be forced to walk this planet barefoot for THE REST OF ETERNITY! I hate you, Zachary! I hate you!"

"Surely you're exaggerating," I say.

In swoops a witch. "CACKLE CACKLE CACKLE!" she shrieks.

How embarrassing.

My Life as a Camel - Thursday Thought #10

I recently woke up and realized something very important.

Camels have teeth.

I have teeth.

Therefore, I am a camel.

Life as a camel is great!

I don't get thirsty in this hot weather. I stomp anywhere I want. I don't need haircuts. I don''t worry about getting parking tickets. I never lose my wallet, because I can't really pick it up anymore.Being a camel rocks!

Of course, some people get upset with me. "You're not a camel!" they say. "You're a human!"

"No, seriously," I said. "I'm definitely a camel. I even have The Black Eyed Peas' single My Humps on constant repeat. And I don't even find the music intellectually stimulating!"

I have other problems when I'm asked to verify my identity.

"Sir, let me check your photo ID," a cashier might say.

"Sure thing," I'll say. "But I'm a camel now, so I probably don't look like my photograph."

The cashier peers at my plastic card. "I think you look a lot like you."

"Why, thank you," I say. "But let's be honest, my face is way longer now."

For whatever reason, the cashier's expression assumes traits associated with both confusion and abject terror. "Um, sure," she says. "Can you take your wallet now? You've left it here for two weeks."

"Ooo, no can do," I say. "I can't really pick it up. Camel feet and all."

The sad thing is, I'm often discriminated against. I can't tell you how many times restaurants have denied my patronage, persecuting me for my species.

"Is that it?" I say, wiping a tear from my eye. "You won't let me eat here because I'm a camel?"

"Listen," the manager says. "I don't care what you think you are, no shirt, no shoes, no service!"

"DISCRIMINATION!" I bellow. "I deserve the right to eat a burger however I want!"

Of course, my love for burgers has alienated me from my fellow ungulates, the bovines.

"Look," I say to my cow friends. "I eat burgers because I like the taste, not because I have anything against you as a species or even you personally."

"Moooo," a cow says.

"Oh, shut it, Daisy!" I yell. "Nobody asked a milk trollop like you!"

At this point, a farmer runs up to me. "Hey, get out of my field, kid!"

"I didn't see a sign saying anything about no shirt, no shoes, no service!" I say. "I have every right to talk to these cows as my equals and brother-in-arms!"

"Moooo," a cow says.

"It's a gender-neutral phrase, Daisy! It wastes everyone's time if I have to say 'brothers-and-sisters-in-arms.' And it doesn't roll off the tongue besides!"

Even though my perfectly normal daily life has become a bit of a struggle, not everything is terrible. You would think my gaming skills haven't improved, but I've become an amazing trash-talker.

"Who keeps spitting into the mic?" my unsuspecting opponents ask.

My relationship with my girlfriend, on the other hand, has reached an all-time low.

"Why do you keep spitting on my TV?" she asks.

"Chloe just dumped Brad on national television!" I say. "Curse you, US daytime soap opera! CURSE YOU!"

If I have to live in a world where Chloe and Brad aren't together, maybe being a camel isn't actually all that great.

I guess I'll have to rip out my teeth.

Would You Even Want to Read Minds? - Thinkjoust Tuesday #55

I mean, think about it.

True, there are a lot of benefits associated with reading minds. You wouldn't have to guess anyone's motives. It'd be easy to determine if someone's actions were malicious or just plain stupid. When it came to progression in the workplace, you'd never have to wonder what your boss liked or hoped to accomplish. And relationships would be cake. Communication between partners would lack barriers, and if you were looking for a partner, all you'd have to do is walk in front of someone and see what they think about you. If they think you're worth a second glance, great! Even better, you could see the good other people recognize in you.

Of course, there are just as many negative aspects to mind-reading. It'd be tough to put any effort into getting to know someone if you already know their opinions on things. A lot of the mysteries in life would be absent, and therefore so would a lot of the fun. And while you may know the good things people think about you, you'd also know all the bad things. You may even discover that the people you thought were closest to you harbor resentment and frustration against you, wearing nothing but a friendly facade when actually interacting with you.

So let's run down a hypothetical scenario. 

You trip over a lamp and accidentally summons a genie. Rather than giving you wishes, however, he grants you a choice. You can either accept the ability to permanently read minds, or refuse it altogether. Note that, in this case, thoughts reaching your brain would work similarly to speech reaching your ears. The closer you are to someone, the easier you can 'hear' their thoughts, and the more clear the thought, the 'louder' it seems.

Which would you choose?

I look forward to your comments!

Which Insect Did You Choose to Exterminate? - Response Saturday #23

This last week, I asked you to determine the fates of spiders and mosquitoes via a strange apocalyptic computer log.

It makes more sense if you click the link and read the original post.

Since this seemed to be quite an engaging topic, lots of you responded!

So after peeling back the proposed compromises and other options, it seemed as though 66% of you wanted to see the end of all mosquitoes, while 33% of you wanted to kill all the spiders.

As for me, I'm definitely a 'kill all the mosquitoes' kind of guy. In fact, one of the reasons I'm such an ardent defender of spiders is because of their natural ability to keep down mosquito populations. I experienced first-hand proof of this last summer, when I was working with the sports camps attending BYU. One of my supervisors called in an exterminator to kill the spider population living in one of our building's basements, and in the aftermath, mosquito bite complaints went up by a ridiculous percentage.

As for the fallout, CougarMan hypothesized that if all the mosquitoes died, then all spiders would starve. While I will point out that spiders do eat other things besides mosquitoes, entomologist Grayson Brown agreed with this theory to a point. At the same time, according to Quora, removing all the spiders in the world would damage the ecology of the world to a greater extent.

Either way, it's probably good we don't have a 'kill all' button in an underground shelter. After all, God knows why these things exist, and if there weren't a reason for them, then He wouldn't have put them here.

Of course, it certainly is fun to think about, isn't it?

How to Deliver Effective Speeches - Thursday Thought #9

There are times when I use this blog to get up on my soap box and vent. Today is one of those days.

You ever hear someone tell a story that feels like it's getting way off track? It might go something like this.

"So I was trying to figure out how to get rid of the virus on my computer. I Googled what I knew, but the first few results were old posts left on the forums of the OS customer support that nobody had ever answered. After I few more hours of research, I discovered a possible solution, only to realize it was for an older version of the OS that is now considered obsolete. Deciding to give it a try anyway, I ran the fix, but it turned out the website I was taking advice from was crooked, and I ended up getting another virus. So now I was trying to figure out how to get rid of that virus on my computer."

Ha ha, you think. That story was incredibly boring, but I see what you did there.

But the speaker doesn't smile. They don't even seem aware of what they just did. They don't even notice your look of horror. They just continue.

"I Googled what I knew."

No!

"But the first few results were old posts left on the forums of the OS customer support."

You clench your fists, fall on your knees, and shout to the skies. "Noooooooo!"

Your boring, technology-illiterate friend has entered a rambling loop. They will continue to tell the same story over and over again, perhaps even blending the same two or three experiences together, without even realizing it. They'll finish the story about how they got the third virus, think that the story about the first virus was pretty good, and then start telling that one because who wants to miss out on a thriller like that?

I actually hear these circular stories at events designed to be inspirational. I remember countless pep talks in my youth groups and sports teams that really lost their steam long before the fifth time my leader told us to reach within ourselves and find greatness.

"All right, guys, listen! You all keep mucking around, doing whatever you wanna do, but we're trying to accomplish something great here. We don't need you to go running off every time it pleases you. We need you to be men. We need you to reach deep down inside and find whatever motivates you and do it. Being the best of the best takes time and effort, but if you're not putting in the effort, then you're just wasting everyone's time. So make your decision, because if you're with us, then you're with us, but if you're going to drag us down, you might as well pack up and go home."

A tear would come to my eye. Yes, I'd think. That was perfect. Don't ruin it by ...

"I mean, you muck around here, you'll probably muck around back home, so what's the difference? The difference is we're trying to accomplish something great here. We don't need you to run off every time you want. Be men, for crying out loud ..."

I would clench my fists, fall on my knees, and shout to the skies. "Noooooooooo!"

"James!" my leader would yell. "What in Sam's hill are you doing? Take fifty laps!"

"Oh, thank goodness," I'd say, prompting a lot of weird looks from my peers and leaders alike.

Now that I've released my pent-up rage, let me explain how you can stop rambling.

You Do Not Have a Soundtrack

A lot of people watch movies and see someone tell long stories or give long motivational speeches and think, I can do that. The problem is, most of those stories and speeches are actually scripted, and given greater meaning and importance thanks to the swelling music accompanying the scene. It is incredibly difficult to give your speech the necessary zing by working off the cuff.

So practice, but start small. When you have the floor, say what you want and what you mean in short, simple terms. Imagine how much more effective the above pep talk would have been had my leader walked in, looked at us all for a few silent seconds, and then said the last two lines.

"Being the best of the best takes time and effort, but if you're not putting in the effort, then you're just wasting everyone's time. So make your decision, because if you're with us, then you're with us, but if you're going to drag us down, you might as well pack up and go home."

Boom. The leader walks away. We're all left to ponder on those words. 

You Are the One Responsible for Audience Engagement

And moving on from that point, watch your audience. If they seem restless or fidgety, or have stopped paying attention to you, don't blame them. If you have the floor, you are the one responsible for keeping them interested in what you're saying. If people stop listening, then you stop talking, because if you lost them, the only way you're going to get them back is by surprising them.

Pay Attention to Time

In the end, the most important thing is noticing how long you've been talking. If it feels like you've been chatting for too long, you probably have. In fact, by the time you realize you're rambling, you've probably already been rambling for quite some time. The shorter the speech, the more powerful the message. Don't believe me?

Some of the most powerful speeches in American history are incredibly short. Look at Lincoln's Gettysburg Address. One of the dumbest speeches in American history was William Henry Harrison's inaugural address. He spoke for nearly two hours and ended up dying because of it. It doesn't matter if Harrison unlocked the secret to world peace in that address, the only thing people are going to remember him for is that his overly-long speech killed him.

 

With that, I've been rambling too long, so in order to combat any further hypocrisy (and to preserve my own life), I will end the post here.

Enjoy your improved inspirational skills!

Spiders vs. Mosquitoes - Thinkjoust Tuesday #54

You wake up.

Darkness surrounds you, an oppressive gloom sapping all input to your eyes. You sit up and feel for something, perhaps a light switch, but on the first three walls you find, you feel nothing but bricks.

As your hands brush against the fourth wall, you feel cold plastic beneath your fingertips. At your touch, the entire walls lights up with a pale blue light, momentarily blinding you. As your eyes adjust, you realize you've inadvertently turned on a touchscreen.

The touchscreen itself is nondescript, though the displayed information is somewhat unnerving.

You briefly contemplate hitting 'no' just to be a troll, but then worry that whoever's asking just might take you literally. You use your pointing digit and strike the 'yes' option.

I just did, you think. Gosh, so demanding.

You don't even have to be told which two insects are the most hated. Spiders and Mosquitoes, you think. Duh. But then you begin to wonder. If this machine really has that capability, why not just kill both of them?

The uncanny answer to your previous question seems both reasonable and illogical, but you ignore all that because something new has come up on your screen.

Ha! you think. I am totally biased, and they don't even know it. Suckers.

Well, that was uncalled for, you think.

Oh, and now you're making me do your dirty work? Shame on you, mysterious person behind all this! I bet this is a prank, anyway. I wouldn't put it past neighbor Bob to throw something like this together.

Eh. Still sounds like neighbor Bob.

All right already, you think. I've been waiting for this.

So now's your chance. Which do you choose? Be sure to leave your comments below or on social media, and I'll respond to your choice this next Saturday!

What I'd Do On the Day the World Ended - Saturday Response #22

This last Tuesday, I invited you readers to respond to the question, "Would you really party if there was no tomorrow?" I enjoyed the responses I received.

All of the comments had a common thread. Every respondent wanted to do the things they otherwise would if they weren't facing their normal responsibilities and had a clear conscience heading into the next, non-existent day. In essence, they would live their last day on earth finding ways to make themselves happy.

This was both enlightening and sobering for me. In the scenario I described, we all knew of the impending disaster. We had time to actively make decisions about what we would and would not do in our last day.

But what if tomorrow doesn't come tomorrow? What if, unbeknownst to me, I only have a few hours left to live? Will I take pride in my last day? Will I do things I regret? What if I don't necessarily regret my actions, but still wish I'd done something different with my last day?

As it is, I'm making a decision to add more value to my life. I don't want to find myself regretting the last moments I have if they come quicker than I expected.

How about you?