You Can't Go Through Life Without Hurting People

No, not that kind of hurting people.

In my personal experience, I've found that the modern usage of the word heartbreaker has a negative connotation. Modern heartbreakers are people who try to get with as many different partners as they can. You're are of the appropriate synonyms.

However, the original usage of heartbreaker actually had positive connotations. A heartbreaker was considered to be quite the catch. When the heartbreaker finally chose a significant other, many individuals would be 'heartbroken,' not because the heartbreaker did anything to them, but because there wasn't enough of the heartbreaker to go around.

Yes, I'm aware many girls think all guys are tools. Many guys find girls nothing but promiscuous. But I do believe modern heartbreakers exist in this world. Those people cannot go through life without hurting people, albeit unintentionally.

"Ok, fine," you say. "So heartbreakers can't go through life without hurting people, but I can guarantee I'm not a heartbreaker. Nobody likes me."

You know, random reader, sometimes I feel the same way. But take a peek at this.

I once read a sentiment written by some wise individual that was posted to Facebook following its beginnings on tumblr. I'll paraphrase as best as I can.

"You know all those times when you admire someone from afar, and they never knew? How many times have you been that person for someone else?" 

You may think you know the effect you have on people, but you really don't. Odds are, there is someone out there who finds you an attractive and interesting person, but are just too shy to do anything about it.

Congratulations, you're a heartbreaker.

Even beyond dating, sometimes you just can't help but hurt people's feelings in other ways. I have met people who own the mentality that they "just want to do the right thing." That is so admirable, let me tell you, but always doing the right thing doesn't mean people won't still be hurt.

I honestly believe every single one of our current presidential candidates believes they are doing the right thing. All of them have offended or angered scores of Americans across the nation. You, yourself, have beliefs and principles and morals that may offend the sensibilities of those around you. I am not a smoker, and I have no desire to ever smoke, but I don't judge people who do smoke. It's just a thing people do. However, when I gained the trust of my coworkers while I worked at Sonic, a few grew upset when I refused to participate in their breakly ritual. "Just a puff," they said. "If you don't do it, then you're dissing my lifestyle."

I'm sure many of you have found yourselves in similar situations.

If you have religious, personal, political, or even moral standards, then you'll likely offend someone. Some people are even looking to be offended by people with different sensibilities than them.

"Ok, cool," you say. "You've convinced me. But what's the point?"

I've met some people who hate to hurt people's feelings. I'll admit, I'm one of those people. The thing is, this type of person often hold themselves back. They are so worried that their opinion or action might hurt someone else, they never do anything for themselves. They leap through life's hoops seeking only to please or ease someone else and their own burdens. They date people they don't really want to. They hide their opinions and beliefs in the face of scrutiny. They do things because someone else told them to, not because they wanted to do those things for themselves.

I think I've made my point. So here's my challenge for you today.

If you are worried about hurting people's feelings, don't be. Obviously, this world needs more kindness and tact, but there comes a point where you need to stand for yourself. Be that person. And while some people may turn away from you, the people who will prove the most important in your life will gather around you.

I've seen it.

Why I Hate When People Tell Me to Follow My Dreams

I want to be a writer.

On my own time, I write novels and even daily blog posts. In regards to compensation, I have received enough money over my lifetime to pay for five months of rent.

That's just rent. No groceries. No electrical bills. Nothing, Just rent.

I have supported myself by taking on other jobs and responsibilities, including a graduate education. However, had I insisted on doing nothing but writing (and therefore following my dream), I would be either living in my parents' basement or starved to death.

I don't want to live life on a street corner, begging for bills while scribbling the rules of fantasy worlds into stained notebooks. I want to live, if not a rich lifestyle, at least a comfortable one.

I have thought about this a lot recently. Whenever I express concern over my career prospects, people tell me they have the answer. "Just follow your dreams, and you'll be fine," they say.

"Great," I say. "But how should I follow my dreams? Just drop everything and start writing? How will I eat? How will I shower? Where will I sleep? If you have an answer, tell me!"

They always keep that last secret from me..

Yeah, ok, I'm a bit of a hypocrite. If you read my post titled Spotlight Review: Zen Pencils and click on number 98, you'll see the comic criticizes my way of thinking. 

At the same time, I like the sentiment of following my dreams, if not the direct application.

Right now, I'm working toward my dream. I'm self-publishing my book. I'm working for a publishing company. I am close to graduating with an English Degree.

But there may come a point in time where I have to step away from that dream and focus on a career path that will bring the most comfort and stability for my family. My responsibilities may swallow or overshadow my dreams.

I'm willing to follow my dreams for now. Because I am responsible for only myself, it's easier. But if my debt grows, if I'm let go from my job, if it becomes time to raise a family ... I may have to move on.

In that sense, I admire people who are able to make dreams a reality. At the same time, I will only follow my dreams when their weight is greater than the weight of responsibility.

What I Think About Free College Tuition

I wrote a post this past Tuesday, titled What Do You Think About Free College Tuition? - Thinkjoust Tuesday #32. I invited readers to help me formulate an opinion about the topic. Thank you to everyone who responded, whether it was on this blog or over social media! The featured comments are found at the bottom of this post.

I found it interesting that most of this week's comments came from college-age adults, and none were completely supportive of the idea.

At a glance, free college tuition sounds like a brilliant proposition, but a cursory amount of research nips my enthusiasm right in the bud.

I gained a dislike for the concept when I first started researching presidential candidates. Many of the Democratic candidates who supported the concept of free college tuition had another plank in their platform: lower taxes. If free college tuition won't be coming from taxes, then who's paying for it? The House won't pass laws granting free college tuition and lowered taxes.

My dislike for the concept of free college tuition festered when I factored personal drive into the equation. I won't lie, shouldering tuition is no fun. Having struggled with academic apathy for large portions of my life, I didn't qualify for any scholarships. I lose thousands of dollars a semester to loans. Despite this, my personal financial investment has encouraged me to take my education far more seriously than I ever did during my public education.

To explore this further, many candidates use European countries as examples to explain how a future American system might work. What they don't examine are the individual European students enjoying free college tuition. Many such students lack proper appreciation for their campuses, which are, in turn, lacking in certain benefits we American students take for granted.

After considering your comments and mulling things over, I concluded the American system for college tuition is fine the way it is. Students from low-income family receive financial support from the government, college scholarships are plentiful, and driven students should find post-graduation employment to help them pay off any lingering loans.

That being said, I'm disappointed our leading politicians brought false promises to the debates. I know they know America can't support both lower taxes and free college tuition.

Thank you so much for reading!

This Week's Top Comments

... in no particular order and summarized for brevity's sake. Be sure to let me know if you feel I've misrepresented your statements in any way!

Gabe Davis - If any presidential candidate used free college tuition as part of their running platform, the law wouldn't go through the house if they were elected. This would cause more division in this country. 

Ladlimrick - The 10th amendment states that each state has the authority to decide if tuition should be provided through state expense. The government should not try to be all things to all people. Taking over the distribution of tuition is a socialistic practice.

Daniel Jones - I feel like it almost doesn't matter. We're going to pay for it either way. Though, I do feel like for some jobs, they don't earn enough money to pay off the debts required for them. Some of those, like teaching and educational degrees, I think could be free.

Kristen Jurewicz - Most countries with "free" college limit who can go! German universities may be "free" but the student still has to find a place to live and cover living expenses. I went to a school that was clean and well kept compared to the German universities; the students there didn't value their campus because it wasn't their money. 

Whitney Zee - Would you rather, for the remainder of your working life, be responsible for subsidizing the educations of every student to follow in your footsteps? I also imagine that if you were to look around campus today, you may find a few students there on someone else's dime right now , who do not appreciate the investment that is being made in their behalf as they squander their time and opportunities.

CougarMan - Our national debt is growing, so taxpayers will have to pay for free college tuition. We can't keep giving away freebies and going further into debt in order to pay for them. The current system provides free or reduced tuition for students from low-income families. For most people, the combination of choosing a less-costly school, working a part-time job and incurring a modest amount of school debt should work out just fine.

What Do You Think About Free College Tuition? - Thinkjoust Tuesday #32

Many of our top presidential candidates (well, at least from the Democratic side of things) have vocalized their plans to make college tuition free for every student ... At least if they're elected. I stand somewhat near the debate, being a poor college student who is not looking forward to tackling my debts after I graduate.

I plan to use Saturday's post to present my final opinion about free college tuition. However, I want to gain a full understanding of the different viewpoints about this issue. My studies will include any arguments you deliver via the comments section below.

I look forward to hearing what you all have to say. 

For those of you looking to understand more about this issue, check out the top three democratic candidate's websites:

Hillary Clinton - The New College Compact: Costs won't be a barrier, debt won't hold you back.

Bernie Sanders - It's Time to Make College Tuition Free and Debt Free

Martin O'Malley - Debt-Free College

Why Education is Caustic Compared to Actual Learning

As evidenced in a few of my recent blog posts, I've taken a serious interest in becoming an autodidact. My recent topics of self-study include politics, the American revolution, and philosophy, among other things. I recently got a whole heap of books for Christmas, and I've been working through them whenever I can snag a break from my textbooks.

Also included in this stack is a book about a blogger from Baghdad (a study of politics and bloggers), an autobiography by Rainn Wilson (a study of humor and success), and a couple of Star Wars books (a study of character development and of Shared Universes).

Yeah, OK, the Star Wars stuff may be stretching the whole 'educational' aspect of being an autodidact, but remember I'm also a writer of fiction. I gotta study it somehow sometime.

Anyway, I enjoy learning about this stuff far more than I enjoy any of my current University course work.

I couldn't figure out why.

My original theory was that I enjoy choosing what I learn about more than being told what I should learn about. However, I soon squashed that theory. After all, didn't I choose this University? Didn't I choose my own major? Don't I get to select my own classes? I mean, I'm in American Folklore right now. Shouldn't I be enjoying that?

I wrestled with this for a while. Finally, I came upon a conclusion.

I hate education because the system doesn't care about what I know. It punishes me for what I don't know.

I want to use an American Revolution history class as an example. I haven't taken one of these in a while, but my concerns with this hypothetical course are universal across every class I have ever taken.

When I study the revolution on my own, I am only concerned with what I personally retain. I have the option to remember details personally relevant to me, and forget the rest (like specific dates). I am not held accountable for what I don't later recall, but I feel motivated because I have broadened my mind with the details I do recall.

When I study the revolution in class, I am not satisfied with what I personally retain. No amount of attention or studying is going to fully prepare me for every single detail a future test might ask of me. When I take a test about what we've studied, I have no time to feel proud of the answers I know because I am sweating over the answers I don't know. Every mistake costs me a point, but I'm not rewarded for the correct answers I give. All I know is that my 100% is slowly bleeding from the mouth with every incorrect pencil stroke.

You may disagree with me, but let me give you one more example why I think education is more caustic than learning.

I remember at least two lectures in my college career when my professor mentioned something I wanted to learn more about right then right there. I pulled out my internet-capable devices and looked up the relevant information.

After a few moments of personalized research, I was chastised in front of the entire class for not paying attention.

It didn't matter to the professor that I was interested in what they were teaching. It didn't matter that I was trying to engage in a learning process appealing to me. All they knew is that I wasn't desperately trying to memorize their lectures.

So I stand. What say ye? Be sure to comment below!

How I Robbed My University of $303.40

1 Timothy 2:2 - "For kings, and for all that are in authority; that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty."

Textbooks are one of the many hidden costs behind a college education, standing alongside meals, rent, and inane parking laws designed to produce parking tickets.

I am trying to save as much money as possible, and so found myself stymied by the cost of my books. I'm taking three classes in-person, requiring 7 different textbooks altogether.

I learned the University was selling new copies of these books for a total of $303.40. This came to an average of about $43.34 a book. The used copies weren't much better, coming out to a total of $248.95 and an average of $35.56 a book.

The on-campus store was not satisfying me with their prices. So, I did some research.

First, I went to the library. After poking around for a bit, I discovered that three of my textbooks were in the library. All I have to do is renew the three remaining books until I no longer need them. My quick run around the library saved me $74.70-$99.80.

I saved a further $23.20-$30.90 when I figured out the library had a digital copy of another one of my textbooks. This made me angry for reasons I will explain further down.

So now I needed three more books. This is a trick most of you are familiar with, but I went on to Amazon.

My 3rd-level ASL book was the most expensive of the lot, primarily because it contained a DVD in the packaging. However, another look around the library revealed that the media center offered VHS copies, so I didn't worry about buying a used book and discovering it doesn't have a DVD. I paid the online bookstore $37.73, thereby saving $47.22.

I bought my two remaining books from Amazon as well. The University store wanted $66.10-$88.05 for the lot. By shopping online, I spent $34.13, saving about $66.10-$88.05 from those two purchases alone.

And my University never got a single cent.

If I seem pleased, it's because I am.

For starters, I think my idea to look for textbooks in the library was pretty ingenious. I'm aware that this is not a sustainable strategy--I checked out the only available copies for at least two of those books--but if you're a student, you may save some money by poking around your school's library.

I'm also pleased because I feel like the on-campus bookstore engaged in forms of extortion and deception.

Yes, the University gives students the chance to compare textbook prices over a wide spectrum of options, from its own store to Amazon to places I've never heard of, like Valore Books. However, the fact that the on-campus store sells books at prices so much higher than the market in exchange for mere convenience frustrates me. Many students and teachers grow annoyed when nobody has their books during the first week of classes because so many people, like myself, feel compelled to look for better deals.

In addition, the University has access to an online version of one of my textbooks. Rather than inform students of this option, they shepherd us to their store. Why are they even paying for the digital rights to that textbook in the first place?

Do Universities really need to sneak around to obtain extra cash from us?

Why I Currently Hate My Future As A College Student

Psalms 112:5 - "A good man sheweth favour, and lendeth: he will guide his affairs with discretion."

For the last two months, my days have proceeded thusly.

I wake up. I get ready for the day. I spend about an hour working on Change and Cherish. I walk to school.

And then, it doesn't stop.

I slog through homework assignment after homework assignment. I go to class and work. I say hi to a few friends before dragging myself to bed. And then I do it all over again.

In this time frame, with the sole exception of this blog, I haven't worked for more than fifteen minutes in a single week on a personal project. If I find myself with any free time, I spend it snoozing or winding down. Sometimes, I snooze or wind down even when I don't have time to, simply because I cannot muster any energy to drag my nose against the millstone.

My only solace is found in my relationships and in writing this blog. In these, I'm doing something for me.

But I miss writing novels. I miss feeling like I had time to be quiet and think about life. I miss not feeling guilty whenever I try to relax or spend time with my loved ones.

What's worse, I'm trying to graduate this August. So I'm looking at jobs and I'm looking at grad school and I'm trying to care about either of them. I'm trying to decide what I want to do with my life. And I'm stressed out.

I want to be a professional writer. I want to write books and the like. However, there is no guarantee I will ever find employment in that line of work. So I'm in school to receive an education to support my hobby.

But I also want a family. I can't just accept employment with mediocre pay. Odds are, I won't be paid enough to raise children with just an English degree.

So then it comes down to it. Do I want time to pursue creative pursuits? Better not go into grad school for the next two-to-three years. I don't have enough time to be creatively active as it is.

Of course, if I want to have a family, then I might regret not going to grad school if I'm forced to spend even more time working to make up for my low income.

Of course, going to grad school will barely help with the money thing, because the only programs I feel able to stomach are teaching K-12, or becoming a professional librarian. Neither of these positions pay anything worth mentioning, which means I'd come out of school with a ton of debt and no way to pay it off. After all, my kids' mouths gotta come first, right?

And either way, only people who know me personally compliment me on my writing skills. I'm obviously not that good at writing. Why bother improving that talent anymore? I'm going to be busy trying to earn money or going to more school to earn barely any more money.

What's worse is that I'm imagining making sacrifices for a potential future family, an abstract concept I can't grasp because I haven't even had a girlfriend since I came back from Jamaica. I certainly don't feel prepared or worthy to enter into that sort of covenant with someone.

I work hard. I have tried my very best to become a published author, to make a splash with my writing, to balance my personal ambitions with my pursuit of an educational degree.

I feel like my personal ambitions and accomplishments make me unique. I care about how that makes me feel.

I often feel like no one else cares. People only seem to care about my degree, which is basically a luxury item I paid someone else to forge on top of a conveyor belt. My degree won't make me unique in the slightest. If anything, it's just molding me into another identical cog in a manufactured machine.

And it doesn't matter! In the end, neither my personal drive nor my educational degree will be rewarded. None of my diligence or ingenuity will result in any rewards.

"Your novel concept is interesting," someone might say. "But not something I want to represent. And you powered through a Bachelors degree in three years? Now, that's interesting. Oh wait, it's in English? Go spend more money you don't have and more time you don't want to give up and get a better degree. Sorry you wasted so much time doing something you love instead of doing something that will be useful."

I feel like many people around me are just going through the motions, doing nothing but what their educators and faceless suited potential employers are telling them. They go to class, do their homework, and get their degree so they can be shuffled off into some machine. They don't accomplish anything for themselves.

I feel like I have dreamed and tried to rise above that monotony, but because I am apparently not notable enough to draw anyone's attention, my personally-motivated extracurricular efforts are ignored.

So, now what do I do?

I can't just use my time to work on my creative projects, because then I won't have money to support my faceless future family.

I can't earn money with my creative projects.

Best case scenario, I go to grad school to get a job that hypothetically will grant me more money and more time, even if I have to shoulder a stupid large amount of debt to pull it off.

But in those two or three years I spend trying to invest in that potential freedom I still may never taste, I won't have time to write. I might become stagnant in my creative abilities. If you don't use it, you lose it. If that happens, I'll lose a large part of what I feel to be my identity.

So, I'm stuck. I don't currently want or even need extra money, but what if I have four extra mouths to feed? I want to use my time pursuing my hobbies, but I apparently don't have any time to do so. I will starve if my hobbies are my only active pursuit.

So, yeah. I hate my future because I feel pulled in every direction, trying to please people I don't know. But what do I know? Maybe they're right. You can't have a nightmare if you never dream.

I know some people have made one of the sacrifices I've described here. I don't criticize you for whatever choice you ended up making. However, you can't look me in the eye and tell me it wasn't hard.

Loud Rant on Education

Isaiah 21:6 - "... let him declare what he seeth ..."

As most of you good, faithful readers are already aware, I am currently having a quarter-life crisis pertaining to my major and eventual employment. For one thing, I'm not sure if I really like the English major as is currently presented to me, and for another thing, I'm not sure what I want to do with it after I graduate.

The main reason why I'm questioning my personal enjoyment of the English major is my six-credit-hour English class, which I have found to be rather boring and irrelevant to my interests. As such, I've struggled a bit more grades-wise than I've liked, which, in turn, has only piqued my disinterest. 

It's a vicious cycle. I'm bored, so I don't apply myself as much, which means I suffer more stress, which means I end up being even more disillusioned with the class.

And if I can get up on my soap box here, I think that's why I hate it when people tell me to 'Love to Learn!' in the context of a formalized education. 

For those of you having a hard time recognizing what letters these sticky notes have been distributed to form, the full statement reads, 'Love to Learn!' Quite. I will point out, I was impressed with the creativity and devotion demonstrated by whoever took the time to slap these sticky notes up, so nice work, stranger!

I have treasured learning something in every class I've ever taken. What annoys me is the standardization of it all, the useless memorization of disconnected facts that no professional would be expected to know off the top of their heads without years of specialized professional training, if even they ever have to know them off the top of their head and can't just look the dang facts up. 

My point is, I would continually have fun learning in even the most irrelevant subject if I wasn't expected to regurgitate every inane trivia question like a full-fledged professor with tenure. It is these expectations that explain the rising statistics of stress and depression among college students, who struggle to enjoy the journey when the enjoyment is sucked away by a series of statistics declaring their worth in the form of impersonal percentiles. As Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes once said, "I got 75% of the answers correct, and in today's society, doing something 75% right is outstanding! If government and industry were 75% competent, we'd be ecstatic! I won't stand for this artificial standard of performance!"

I mean, I get plenty stressed because of schoolwork, but I don't get stressed about learning. I love going on Wikipedia and mindlessly looking up random articles about the US-Korean War of 1871. I love studying the art of genre and its influence and effect on modern culture. I study my scriptures daily without any needling or prying from deadlines or gradebooks. When you shove me into the constraints of a classroom, however, things are different, and the pleasure I receive from making my own way is slaughtered by a Frankenstein made of tuition, test scores, and GPAs wielding the twin swords of unrealistic expectations and narrowness of thought.

Of course, I know some of you reading this actually like everything I've described in regards to standardization. I've known individuals who, quite sincerely, declare, "I like tests and GPAs!" I'm not saying such an attitude is impossible. However, people do not abruptly descend into ecstasy when their teacher declares a pop quiz. The statistics stand.

As it is, since the system won't change, I'm again finding reason to change myself. I was going to talk about that particular concept more today,* but before I could get to it, I got distracted by my own opinions.* 

So, while you wait for my follow-up, thank you for reading my rant! See you tomorrow!

*The original title of this post was going to be something like, Adversity: Changed Perspective. I will point out that my perspective on the opinions I've expressed above has never changed. Rather, my approach to dealing with my present frustrations has changed. I plan to write another blog post sometime in the next little while about this concept, with the below picture serving as the centerpiece.