Don't Forget to Study: What I did on Saturday

2 Nephi 32:3 - "... feast upon the words of Christ ..."

This is a long block of prose!

I'll be honest, some days, I just don't have a relevant picture. This is probably obvious to you some posts, like when I start craning my neck to somehow tie the daily picture I took with the lesson I learned in the day. As it was, I figured that, at least for today, I would admit I'm at least aware when I'm doing this, and not hide the fact that the following picture has nothing to do with my thoughts. Enjoy!

Well, I just had a weird day in general yesterday. Falling asleep at 4:30am the night before was an idea that could have had disastrous consequences, especially considering I had volunteered to fill in for the DM for my DND group at 9:00am. I woke up at 8:10am, got showered, and arrived just in time to send my teammates on a battle against Scar and his hyena troop.

After that enjoyable adventure, I somehow managed to throw up a blog post and accomplish my daily goal for digitizing my journal before one of my residents knocked on my door and asked to talk. This was the same resident I'd taken to the ER a few nights prior, and he proudly showed me the tubes sticking out of his chest and just talked about everything that had happened after he called me to tell me he was heading into surgery. Poor guy obviously just wanted to talk, but right around the same time he showed up, I started hitting a wall, and about fell asleep on him right in the middle of our conversation.

I set an alarm for about two hours later than it was, hit the snooze button three times, and then just turned the whole thing off. I was out about four hours when my best bro called and asked if he could come hang out at my place. I mumbled something about being asleep, to which he called my bluff and showed up anyway. He roused me out of bed, which was good, considering I still had homework and sleep to accomplish later in the night, and we walked around campus and talked about life for a bit. We eventually parted ways, and I headed back to the dorm to write in my novel, read for my English class, and write a paper.

I was getting tired again, but I wanted to squeeze in an episode of MLP:FIM before midnight, so I threw Netflix on. Unfortunately, the internet was awful, so between buffers, I resumed my reading of the third book in the Maze Runner series. By the time the episode ended, my kindle told me I had about an hour left in the book. I had once again been sucked in by the plot, and so remained reading until just before 1:00am. I had a temple rededication to go to at 9:00am, so I prepared for bed.

Then, I remembered.

I had forgotten.

I was tired and ready to sleep, but I sure as heaven wasn't going to bed until I read my scriptures.

Lights back on, back to the couch, flip on my Gospel Library App, and I read a chapter out of the Book of Mormon and a chapter out of the New Testament. It was a shorter study session than I usually have, but I felt the Spirit, and it was enough.

When I was on my mission, my companions and I would ask our investigators or less-actives or recent converts to read a chapter or two out of the scriptures before we came back a few days later for our return appointment. Probably about 90% of the time, when we came back, they would tell us they 'didn't have time' in the interim.

My reminder for the day is: Make the time! It doesn't matter how tired you are, it doesn't matter what else you've done in the day, you will be strengthened and blessed when you read, study, and ponder God's word. I haven't missed a day since I've come back, though I've had close days like yesterday when I'm about to pass out and I'm reminded, 'Go.' I promise you, your life will seem that much more bright.

Comparing Personal Revelation with Scripture: A Walk

After work last night, I was inexplicably restless. I decided, as though I hadn't already been walking enough, to take a lap around Helaman Halls to clear my mind and think out a few things.

I came to a series of conclusions on my walk, specifically concerning my prayers, that I now feel I need to change in my life. In specific, I need to pray ...

1.) ... before I embark on any creative projects. For me, that includes blogging, typing up my journal, drafting my novel, performing with my ukulele, creating any videos, or anything of the like. I've been walking a fine line, nearly forgetting from whom all these talents of mine come. Matthew 5:16; 2 Nephi 32:9.

2.) ... for missionary opportunities. I'm living next-room to a nonmember. I'm working with a lot of guys with varying levels of testimony. I can have them; I'm just not asking for them yet. Doctrine and Covenants 100:6.

3.) ... for guidance in locating my future family. I think a lot of my trepidation regarding dating comes from the fact that I am going about it solo. See, on my mission, my mission president told me, for my last few P-Days, to try and receive revelation about who I'm going to marry. After much wrestling, I feel pretty confident that the Lord just told me, "You get to know someone, choose them, and then ask me if I approve." I made a mistake in that I haven't really consulted with Him too much since then, working completely blind. Just because he wants me to make the decision on my own doesn't mean he won't nudge me in the right direction. Genesis 24:12.

4.) ... before I begin my studies. I actually pray before my scripture study every time, but I haven't been for my actual classes. Given my poor track record, I need all the help I can get. Alma 34:17-27.

... and, finally, one unrelated thing. I hadn't expected all these goodies when I'd first begun my walk, so I was pondering how that always seemed to be the case. "You always give me better than I expected," I mused to myself out loud.
You always give me better than I expected.
For some reason, that made me see things a whole lot differently.

Acceptance

Joshua 24:15  - "...Choose you this day whom ye will serve ..."

While I was on my mission, my mission president, President Brown, challenged me to take two hours out of every week to ponder and ask the Lord questions about who I needed and who He wanted me to be as a person.
I pondered questions from, "What qualities should I look for in a wife?' to "How generous should I really be?" One of the questions I asked myself was, "What should my top priorities be?" It was a very long and spiritual process, determining the order of my own priorities, but when I came to my final conclusion, I was surprised. Of the top five things I knew I would be facing in the near future--Education, Dating, Work, Callings, and Creative Projects--it seemed very obvious to me that, if anything was to be put on the back burner, it was my creative projects. I couldn't let one of the others slip in favor of that.
It was only yesterday, however, when I actually had to make that choice.

It hurt. I let my journaling and novel writing slide as I worked all day, training from morning to the evening and then fulfilling my assignment to decorate the hall before tomorrow. I was drained and frustrated when I finally finished after midnight, but there was no way I was going to even attempt to accomplish any portion of my projects. So, I let them lie.
Callings keep my mind and heart focused and in tune with the Savior.
Education helps me prepare to provide for my family in the future.
Work helps me provide for my education.
Dating will help me find a family.
Unfortunately, my creative projects are just that: a hobby. At least for now.

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Loose thy Tongue

D+C 60:2 - "But with some I am not well pleased, for they will not open their mouths..."

I don't exactly know what happened to me in the interim between coming home and the present moment. I am so less confident in my own voice, it frankly surprises me. I was at institute last night, and the teacher asked how many of us have served missions. I raised my hand among others. Then she asked us to declare where we served.
Wham! My throat immediately contracted a lump. As the RMs went around the room, throwing out the names of places like Brazil, Tokyo, Wisconsin, coming ever closer to me, I found myself struggling to even whisper.
I don't know what it was. Perhaps it was because I didn't know everyone else in the room. Perhaps I don't quite feel on the same par as those other RMs. Perhaps I don't match my own expectations for what an RM should feel like. Perhaps I felt less outspoken than the others in the room. Perhaps I was scared of anyone trying to compare missions with me. Perhaps a lot of the brazenness I thought I'd developed in myself was mostly of that increased spirit my setting apart offered me. Whatever it was, I quickly grew frustrated with myself. You will not shortchange the growth you experienced over these past two years by keeping your mouth shut, I thought. Now shut up and open your mouth!
"Jamaica." I managed to say that one word with a strengthened conviction.
Yeah, some people jokingly asked me later, "So was that a mission or a vacation?" I laughed, knowing they couldn't understand. But I puffed up my chest with pride whenever that island nation was named. Yes. Jamaica.

... healing tastes sweet.

Out of Retirement

D+C 42:6: "And ye shall go forth in the power of my Spirit, preaching my gospel, two by two, in my name..."

I've made it a personal goal to keep the Spirit of my two-year mission with me by going visiting with the local missionaries once or twice a week. In the two weeks I've been back from Jamaica, I haven't yet gone, so yesterday was a way for me to make up for that.
We brought bro along, and man, was that such a stellar experience! We four began our day by heading out to Five Guys, and then zig-zagged up and down and all over Washougal, searching for those who were willing to let four Mormons in out of the heat. Well, three Mormons in out of the heat; I wasn't bothered by the weather in the slightest.
I as reminded again just how blessed I really am. Some of the people we stopped by to visit are really struggling, both spiritually and temporally. I was particularly grateful that bro was with me; while I have frequented the poverty-stricken streets of a third-world country every day for the past two years, bro has rarely had the opportunity to see or visit anyone below his own social class and standing. I could tell by watching him that he was gaining a greater appreciation for what he does have, and I hope his overarching forgetfulness regarding his personal gratitude was healed, even slightly. I know my own forgetfulness was healed.
All in all, having the opportunity to walk with God's full-time messengers again was a really cool experience, for which I was incredibly grateful.

Enter: The Intern

"...By our righteous choices and actions, we liberate them from darkness by increasing their ability to walk in the light..." -Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

I think I have a habit of being too demanding or preachy. I recognized this following the private conversations I had with my brother yesterday, during which I'd encouraged him regarding his missionary labors and overall charisma. In retrospect, I could have done a better job helping bro feel like his potentially differing opinion still held weight, rather than simply telling him my opinion and, in essence, saying it was the only way. Presenting no choice is, ironically, Satan's way, not God's. Because God loves us enough to give us our agency, he allows us to choose even not to follow Him. Respecting others' choices, even when we disagree with them, will provide us a clearer pathway to God's rest.

I started my internship at PeaceHealth yesterday, and I really enjoyed the experience. I went in feeling pretty nervous, worrying that I would get as hazed as dad was sure I would be, but I was completely relieved when I was outright welcomed with a 4th of July smiley-face button and a bowl of blueberries. For the rest of the day, the team was very patient with me, even when I messed up a series of scans and had to redo them. Despite my expectation and my placard that I would be referred to as simply, 'The Intern,' I was even called by my rightful name. Sure, I was still hazed, sure, I was still called 'The Intern' once or twice, but I felt very at ease throughout the day, even when I ended up lost in the bowels of the building looking for a conference room I was convinced never existed. So far, it's looking like it's going to be a rather delightful experience, and I look forward to continuing to learn from my mentor's stead.

Sound of the Trump and Chariot of Fire

Matthew 28:19-20: "Go ye therefore, and teach all nations..."


I was really struggling today with figuring out how I could share the gospel placed smack-dab in a place I've never before been. Serving for two years in Jamaica as a full-time missionary had taught me how I could casually introduce the Gospel in any and all circumstances - at least, that's what I thought before we went to the Verizon store yesterday.
The guy who was helping us get me my very first post-mission phone, Tim, was just absolutely stellar at his job. He was kind, knowledgeable, and didn't push us to buy anything we really didn't want. His performance was so solid, I'm still tempted to seek out a way to positively review that particular store. I was so grateful that Tim turned what might have been a nightmare into a rather enjoyable experience, I wanted to express my thanks by sharing, with him, what has brought me so much happiness. I tried every trick in the book I could think of to guide the conversation to gospel-related topics, but, nope. Tim was fixed in his determination, and every time the conversation got just a little off topic, he would gently nudge it back. It seems pretty obvious to me that I'm going to need to study on how to be a regular person and be a missionary. I'm too used to leaving the regular person out of it.

Ironically enough, despite the wonderful customer service, about thirty minutes after I'd brought the new phone into the house, it abruptly died on me, completely failing to respond to anything I mashed into it. I'm happy to report that the situation itself didn't really bother me all that much. Getting frustrated would solve nothing, so I simply didn't. Once upon a time, if a new phone died on me right out of the box, I would have been aggravated in the extreme. I would have immediately indulged in much ranting and raving and throwing inanimate and/or animate objects in just about every direction. It's just one of those changes of which I'm proud.
As it was, Dad wanted us to boogey back to the store post-haste to figure out what was going on, so we hopped back in the van and rocketed off. Thanks to that car ride, I honestly think the phone's 'death' was a blessing from God. The time we had in the car, just the two of us, was a great opportunity to really talk about life and our feelings and our goals for the future, both individually and within the familial unit. The representative at the store showed us how to do a hard reset on the phone, which immediately solved the problem, but the half-hour round trip was completely worth it, providing a wholly memorable experience I won't be quick to forget. I think the most important lesson I learned from all that was that, more often, I need to ask myself, "Why is God allowing this bad thing to happen to me?" and then seek for the blessings within the storm.