One step back, Two steps forward

2 Nephi 4:34 - "... I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever ..."

It's about time for me to get over myself and take a plunge. It's time to conquer this next hurdle my weakness has placed in my way. It's time to devote more of my time to my personal pursuits. It's time to really take the things I learned on my mission and apply them one hundred percent. I've been shying away from it all too long, I guess. Perhaps I was fearful that, for the first time, my pursuits will not be aided by my setting apart, nor by the prayers of millions of people. Perhaps I was scared of moving without directly engaging in the work of God. I think I've always been frustrated how I, as an individual, accomplish so little in the grand scheme of things.

It was the long car ride I had yesterday that really got me thinking about all this. A brother from the ward asked me to substitute for his paper route while he's off on vacation over the next couple of weeks, and so drove me around yesterday to show me the route. I was remarkably exhausted, and unfortunately proving to be an insufficient conversationalist as my heavy eyelids threatened to close for the rest of the ride. The good brother, being the kind man he is, never commented on my near incoherency, and simply told me stories from his life as we meandered through the back roads of Washougal.
As I listened, I learned a lot about this good man. He was very successful in his career, but after he was forced to retire early, things didn't turn out the way he'd planned. He, too, served a mission. He, too, is active in my faith. Despite some of his minor setbacks, he is a remarkably jolly guy, beaming with an irrepressible optimism. Without intending to, his stories placed me on a train of thought following a deliberate set of tracks the rest of the day. He reminded me that success, in any field or measure, does not dictate my own happiness. I dictate my own happiness, through my thoughts, through my actions. I don't need to fear, even if I'm not wearing that black tag. The trust I've developed still remains.

Sound of the Trump and Chariot of Fire

Matthew 28:19-20: "Go ye therefore, and teach all nations..."


I was really struggling today with figuring out how I could share the gospel placed smack-dab in a place I've never before been. Serving for two years in Jamaica as a full-time missionary had taught me how I could casually introduce the Gospel in any and all circumstances - at least, that's what I thought before we went to the Verizon store yesterday.
The guy who was helping us get me my very first post-mission phone, Tim, was just absolutely stellar at his job. He was kind, knowledgeable, and didn't push us to buy anything we really didn't want. His performance was so solid, I'm still tempted to seek out a way to positively review that particular store. I was so grateful that Tim turned what might have been a nightmare into a rather enjoyable experience, I wanted to express my thanks by sharing, with him, what has brought me so much happiness. I tried every trick in the book I could think of to guide the conversation to gospel-related topics, but, nope. Tim was fixed in his determination, and every time the conversation got just a little off topic, he would gently nudge it back. It seems pretty obvious to me that I'm going to need to study on how to be a regular person and be a missionary. I'm too used to leaving the regular person out of it.

Ironically enough, despite the wonderful customer service, about thirty minutes after I'd brought the new phone into the house, it abruptly died on me, completely failing to respond to anything I mashed into it. I'm happy to report that the situation itself didn't really bother me all that much. Getting frustrated would solve nothing, so I simply didn't. Once upon a time, if a new phone died on me right out of the box, I would have been aggravated in the extreme. I would have immediately indulged in much ranting and raving and throwing inanimate and/or animate objects in just about every direction. It's just one of those changes of which I'm proud.
As it was, Dad wanted us to boogey back to the store post-haste to figure out what was going on, so we hopped back in the van and rocketed off. Thanks to that car ride, I honestly think the phone's 'death' was a blessing from God. The time we had in the car, just the two of us, was a great opportunity to really talk about life and our feelings and our goals for the future, both individually and within the familial unit. The representative at the store showed us how to do a hard reset on the phone, which immediately solved the problem, but the half-hour round trip was completely worth it, providing a wholly memorable experience I won't be quick to forget. I think the most important lesson I learned from all that was that, more often, I need to ask myself, "Why is God allowing this bad thing to happen to me?" and then seek for the blessings within the storm.