Just Move

Matthew 25:40 - "... Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."

Bro and youngest sis invited me to go out with them and 'the boyfriend' to Burgerville yesterday. I blatantly refused. I had a variety of reasons, but even as I watched them drive away, I regretted saying no. Sure, my evening wasn't ruined, mom and dad and I taking the opportunity to hike up to the Pool of the Winds after everyone else left. However, the second I told my siblings "no," I felt an urge to rescind my answer, despite that I didn't actually have any real desires to go. I felt the spirit prompting me to chase after them even twenty minutes after they left. I'll never know why. I allowed my own stubbornness to keep me from doing the best thing, and even now, though both of my siblings are safe and at home, I don't know what I might have prevented.

We woke bright and early this morning to help out a family in the ward with their move. Even though I barely knew anyone in the crowd when I arrived, I made a lot of friends, and even found someone willing to have a jam session with me, the first of which we scheduled for today. As we worked, I felt great, knowing that I was doing my part to serve my Lord and Master through serving His flock. I received no reward (save for the LifeSavers cylinder the mother slipped me during services today), and expected none.
Finding opportunities to serve is far more difficult now that I'm home and caught up in the daily grind. I relish every opportunity I have.

One step back, Two steps forward

2 Nephi 4:34 - "... I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever ..."

It's about time for me to get over myself and take a plunge. It's time to conquer this next hurdle my weakness has placed in my way. It's time to devote more of my time to my personal pursuits. It's time to really take the things I learned on my mission and apply them one hundred percent. I've been shying away from it all too long, I guess. Perhaps I was fearful that, for the first time, my pursuits will not be aided by my setting apart, nor by the prayers of millions of people. Perhaps I was scared of moving without directly engaging in the work of God. I think I've always been frustrated how I, as an individual, accomplish so little in the grand scheme of things.

It was the long car ride I had yesterday that really got me thinking about all this. A brother from the ward asked me to substitute for his paper route while he's off on vacation over the next couple of weeks, and so drove me around yesterday to show me the route. I was remarkably exhausted, and unfortunately proving to be an insufficient conversationalist as my heavy eyelids threatened to close for the rest of the ride. The good brother, being the kind man he is, never commented on my near incoherency, and simply told me stories from his life as we meandered through the back roads of Washougal.
As I listened, I learned a lot about this good man. He was very successful in his career, but after he was forced to retire early, things didn't turn out the way he'd planned. He, too, served a mission. He, too, is active in my faith. Despite some of his minor setbacks, he is a remarkably jolly guy, beaming with an irrepressible optimism. Without intending to, his stories placed me on a train of thought following a deliberate set of tracks the rest of the day. He reminded me that success, in any field or measure, does not dictate my own happiness. I dictate my own happiness, through my thoughts, through my actions. I don't need to fear, even if I'm not wearing that black tag. The trust I've developed still remains.

Ye Whom I Love

"The family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children." - The Family: A Proclamation to the World

Every time I think I've learned to let offenses slide, God throws some new offense in my way.
"Will you let this slide this time?" he seems to ask.
I'll admit, I am not doing so hot in this particular test. While I have dramatically improved in the art of forgiving others for offenses to myself, I haven't really had much recent opportunity to forgive others for offenses to people I love. That's what's really eating at me. You can insult me, disrespect me, hurt me, malign me, steal from me, lie to me, cheat me, abuse me, whatever. It may take some time, but I will forgive.
But if you do any of those things to someone I care about ... I'm struggling.

As the last part of the day, we had our weekly family home evening. We sang some hymns, ate some slightly burnt cookies, watched some Mormon messages, and played a remarkably ridiculous game called Fluxx. It's hard for me to describe what it's like, being back with my family again after two years. Even these simple things, like family night, bring me a lot of joy. It was hard for me to really appreciate these little things that I had before my 'rebirth' of sorts; now, I cherish every moment. In a couple of months, when I duck out again, I'll miss them even more.

Like a Fire is Burning

2 Nephi 9:51 - "Wherefore, do not spend money for that which is of no worth, nor your labor for that which cannot satisfy."

Even though I thought I had it nipped in the bud, I still have a tendency to shy away from people when I have things I want to do for myself. For me, that could include writing, reading, playing an instrument, or anything else that doesn't necessarily involve human interaction. Of course, those things, while more lasting than watching TV or playing a video game, are not as valuable or as lasting as the relationships we will forge in the next life.

As it was, I was a little hesitant to accept dad's midday offer to take bro and I out for a Fourth of July weekend campfire in the evening. Recognizing I won't have opportunities like this forever, however, I soon changed my mentality and led the charge out of the house. We had a hilarious time, searching for firewood (at the nearest convenience store), lighting the fire (with our fireplace lighter and pages torn from an atlas), roughing it out (while eating candy corn and drinking Gatorade), singing sweet ukulele songs, and telling ol' fashioned ghost stories. It was a good bonding experience for the three of us, and I'm glad I didn't duck out. I don't think I should ever duck out for things like that.

Angellic Chorus



Moroni 7:8 "... wherefore it is counted unto him the same as if he had retained the gift..."

Something I've really improved on, yet haven't quite mastered yet, is being willing to give of my time. Before my mission, whenever anyone ever asked me to spend time or do something with them, I would skeptically look at whatever I was doing (generally playing a video game or watching a TV show), and decline the request. I would occasionally get on my feet and be social, but I was always counting the cost, thinking about what I was missing out on even as I socialized.





Even today, I had those feelings as I piled into the car to go watch my two youngest siblings perform in a two-hour long ensemble piece. What's really changed is that I am now completely willing to drop whatever I'm doing for whatever social request is asked of me, and even though I was sometimes plagued with thoughts of what I still had left to do ("I haven't finished my blog post yet," or, "I haven't digitalized my journal today"),  I really immersed myself in the greater task, namely, showing my genuine love and support for my siblings.

The performance was amazing! The music, singers, speakers, orchestra, and dancers all did a fabulous job. I was impressed by whoever had put everything together, creating a rich and diverse performance series that definitely touched the hearts of the performing youth and touched the hearts of the captive audience. I made sure to inform my siblings post-performance that they were 'total rock stars,' though I refrained from asking for their autographs.

The performance really helped encourage me to find more ways to let my light so shine, reminding me there is no medium, profession, or circumstance without some attached conduit to share the gospel. While this blog is certainly a good way to begin helping my light so shine, I most certainly am not stopping here.