Winter Wonder Slam 2016 (3 Videos)

This past weekend, I was able to participate in BYU's Winter Wonder Slam, the January 2016 edition of the fledgling Saturday Night Slam Series.

I had two friends participate in the event, and they rocked the socks right off everyone. Everyone clapped and hollered as they stepped off the stage, basking in the glow of their victory. They'd performed. They had let their light shine. And it was enough.

Each of the 28 or so performers had used their free time to pen words that meant something to them. They'd practiced their delivery, and they'd fixed their nomenclature and phrasing. They came ready to rumble.

I was astounded by everyone. Yes, some people stumbled over lines. Yes, some people were obviously nervous. Yes, some people said some things I didn't agree with. Nonetheless, it was important that they came at all. They put aside whatever inhibitions and fears may have been holding them back, and they came.

For a while there, I wasn't sure I was going to perform. I misunderstood how to sign up, and I was therefore absent from the final program.

Thankfully, I managed to bully my way up to the microphone while the judges debated over the final winners and the host stalled for time.

I had an absolute blast.

The delivery of my slam poem had some hiccups, but here is the original text.

My poem is called

EHNN!

Sit on the couch
Watch some game show contestants

To show their smarts

They submitted for testin’

The host says,

“Ok, we’ve all had some fun

You’ve come so far

You’ve almost done and won,

But one last question.

Contestant Number One,

Tell me, who’s the first

president of our union?”

“Uh … Abraham Lincoln?”

EHNN!

“I’m sorry, Number One, but you got a raw deal

Contestant Number Two, you have a chance to steal.”

“Um … Like, was it James Garfield?”

EHNN!

“Contestant Number Three, you have the last chance, son.”

“I know the answer! It was Andrew Jackson!”

EHNN! EHNN! EHNN!

The contestants leave the game show in disgraces

The world paints ‘loser’ on top of their faces

All three contestants gave their very best

How does the world know if they’re a dud or success?

Contestant Number One is a doctor for pets

They paid off their mortgage, and they owe no debts.

EHNN!

Contestant Number Two is a promising banker

They have five kids, and never stoop to anger

EHNN!

Contestant Number Three is active in their church

Gives their excess dollars to folks in the lurch.

EHNN!

And yet, all three were defined by the buzzer

Three lights hidin’ behind the viral shutters

the game shows go to propose, apropos

EHNN the sound of failure that everyone knows

EHNN EHNN EHNN EHNN

EHNN goes the alarm clock

I roll outta bed, listen scholar talk

I take a class, feeling confident

But when I get my final grade, I see accidents

“65%,” my teacher says to me.

“You’re just above a failure, you’ve gotten a D.”

EHNN!

65% is just one step above failure?

Let me tell you,

If 65% of this nation agreed on something,

We wouldn’t need to lean on a bipartisan system

If 65% of the world agreed on something,

Maybe we could finally feed the starving children

And if 65% of you agree with me

maybe we can make a change to last more than a week

I may be 65%. That doesn’t show what else I did

over that semester when a failure I was branded.

Let me tell you,

I made new friends. I learned about myself.

I wrote a whole novel to stack up on your shelf.

I practiced my squat. Became self-taught.

Economy and history belong in my thoughts.

I treated women with respect and civility

I mastered several of my nagging insecurities.

EHNN!

Nobody cared. They couldn’t see the trees

They say 65% is what defines me.

no matter how much I gained at whatever the cost

The world just remembers my solitary loss

Honestly, bankruptcy philosophy is a comedy

The blameworthy farce holding onto a monopoly

Consciously jailing our collective unconsciousness

And Fear and mockery are gaining the ultimate dominance

But you know what, audience?

You don’t have to subscribe to anyone’s claims

When they enlarge your missteps, minimize your gains

So go ahead, world! Call us a shade from failure

We are better than most of you ever were

Maybe we should stop judging people for mistakes

And recognize the sacrifice true success takes

To the system, to the world, and all its ugly hues

We here say one thing to you.

EHNN.