Emotions are unfamiliar creatures to me.
Oh, sure, I can recognize them, I can occasionally sense their instigation, I can even sometimes manipulate them in myself and others, a soft word here, a sharp word there, turning away anger and encouraging joy. I still don't get them, though. I don't understand why they're so hard to control, like a bull trying as hard as it can to buck off its rider. Oh, sure, the best of riders can stay on as long as possible, but there are few.
Why does anger lead to the destruction of relationships? Why does sadness lead to the destruction of self? Why does fright lead to the destruction of integrity? We can always choose against that path, but why it it so hard?
Today was one of those days where I felt like I accomplished a lot. I helped a family move, I started inserting pictures into the digitalized copy of my journal (only seven more volumes to type!), I wrote more of my novel, I remembered the Savior, I remembered what helps my remember the Savior, and I just DID. Of course, I haven't mastered the art of completely being productive all day ever day (I did watch more TV than is probably healthy), but I wasn't idle. I was doing my part. It would have been so easy for me to just sit back and do nothing these couple of months before heading off to college, having very little outside motivation for me to actually accomplish anything. No one is pushing me, no force is shoving me; everything is internal. That, my friends, is the best feeling ever.
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